


All Go Bare and Live by the Air

by Haunted_Frost



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Family, Dadpool, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Knitting, M/M, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker is an Avenger, Photographer Peter Parker, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:52:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 32,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haunted_Frost/pseuds/Haunted_Frost
Summary: Each chapter accompanied by a verse from "Bedlam Boys"; this fic alternates between Peter and Wade as they recover themselves and find each other.





	1. Mad Wade of Bedlam

**Author's Note:**

> Basically everything within the fic is a work in progress, including tags and summary until I get through every chapter and take criticisms and edit down etc.
> 
> Also:  
> Inspired by Bedlam Boys, a song I learned while working at a renaissance faire. We didn’t learn every single verse there, but for this fic I looked up the entire song. It’s very Deadpool at first glance, but each verse will alternate between Peter and Wade’s perspectives.
> 
> For your reference, I’ve seen: Captain America: The First Avenger, Iron Man 3, Avengers, The Amazing Spiderman (Movie and cartoon series alike), and Deadpool. The rest of my knowledge of this universe is through fanfiction and clips, not an actual viewing of the movies and I have never read one of the corresponding comics in my life, much as I would like to. That said, I’m using the characters I know of and taking my own spin. Just thought I’d preface this with what I do know. As far as I’m concerned Peter was only ever friends with Gwen or MJ in this fic, though he did have a onesided crush on Gwen. This Wade pretty much exactly went through the Deadpool movie, but his girlfriend died/left him between then and this fic. I don't really mention how that went down as far as I'm aware yet.

**_For to see Mad Tom of Bedlam_ **

**_Ten thousand miles I traveled_ **

**_Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes_ **

**_For to save her shoes from gravel._ **

Deadpool kind of scared Peter. 

He’d heard of the merc through different sources—the Avengers warned against him, Logan had pointed out that he was crazy but not outright malicious, and Daredevil was extremely wary. 

But then the guy had decided that New York would be his home base, and, rather than attract the attention of the Avengers, he decided to bother Spider-man (“ _See, Spidey, I even pronounced the hyphen right!”_ )

But their first meeting wasn’t all that bad, when all was said and done.  Peter had been doing his usual patrols, taking down some small robbers who thought that they’d go unnoticed by the big bad Avengers. 

A flash of red whizzed past him as he took down the biggest guy.  It wasn’t Hell’s Kitchen, or he would have recognized and welcomed Daredevil’s help. 

“Heyyo, Spider-Man!  Spidey!  Arachna-kid!  Good to see ya!”

“Yeah, hi, who are you?” Peter had replied, grunting as the big guy dodged and got a good swing in. 

“Deadpool.”  The robbers had frozen at the introduction, and Peter took that chance to take them down.  Deadpool helped, bringing three of the ones with guns to their knees by shooting at their feet. 

“Ugh, blood,” Peter grumbled, then yelped when the merc proceeded to shoot one of the guys in the head. 

“No!” he webbed Deadpool’s hand to the wall.  “What the hell?  What was that?”

“Had to unalive him.  Certain guys . . . well, that one had to go.”

“And who are you to decide that?” Peter demanded. 

“I don’t.  I get told, and sometimes I don’t listen, and I get paid.  Of course, I don’t need to pay for much myself these days, except ammo is really expensive and what is _up_ with rent in NYC?” 

“It’s New York; what did you expect?  And who paid you to kill him?” 

“Y’know, I kinda can’t tell you that, Spidey.  I would love to stay and chat, of course.  But I’ve got to get paid.  Don’t worry, I’m not doing big-shot assassin things much anymore; I’ll stay out of your way for jobs.”

“Bullshit, I’ve heard stories about you!”  The mercenary laughed. 

“Ooh, Spidey _swore_!  Better not tell Captain America that his protégé has a potty mouth!”

“I don’t even know Captain America!”

“Shush, Spiderling.  Daddy-Long-legs—ooh, do you get your significant other to call you that?  Please tell me you do.”

“I don’t _have_ a significant other,” Peter grunted, “Now _leave me alone_ or I will web you up and leave you for the police.”

“Kinky!” Deadpool laughed, “Until next time!”  And he strolled out the door, whistling as he went.

Peter did his research.  He was, after all, quite the nerd.  Deadpool showed up originally to demolish the organization that had tortured him and given him his powers.  He’d been a hitman already, which made Peter’s stomach turn a little, but . . . he couldn’t deny that he might have done the same. That night, when Uncle Ben died—he had a chance to be like Wade there.  But Ben’s saying stuck. Peter shook his head.  What was he doing looking up a mercenary’s origins?  He had better things to do.  Two jobs, school, Spider-man, and regularly visiting his Aunt May.  Of course, the SI thing was an internship more than a job, but he was working with Bruce Banner and Tony Stark on a daily basis.  He geeked out at meeting the two amazing scientists, never mind their superhero counterparts.  

Speaking of superhero counterparts—

“Hey, Spiderman!” Well, there was the merc again. 

“Deadpool.  What are you doing?”

“There’s kind of a situation here.  I may have talked a kid down from committing suicide, but I tripped off the building myself and _splat_.  She ran off.  So here I am.”  And there he was—the merc with the mouth, as a kind of mangled lump of limbs that didn’t seem to have any bones left whole. 

“You need any help?” Peter asked awkwardly. 

“Nah, man, you do what you have to do.  I’ll heal in a few hours.  You’ve got lives to save.” 

So strange, how careless about life, but how earnest about it Deadpool could be from one instant to another.  One life mattered more?  Or was it really the circumstances he found himself in that made that decision?  Bruce or Tony might know more about the guy . . . Maybe they had more specific information at least. 

No, Peter wasn’t obsessed, he was just a curious guy.  After all, the guy had shot a man in front of him without a care in the world, and, from the sounds of it, had moved to New York.  Then, without anything significant happening in between, he’d taken the time to save another life unprompted. 

“Hey, I have a question,” he asked Tony, “I was at the bank the other day, and saw Spider-Man taking down some robbers.  Another guy in red showed up and shot one of the robbers, said his name was Deadpool, flirted with Spider-Man a bit.  Do you know anything about him?”  Tony frowned. 

“Deadpool—I’ve heard about him a bit from Logan and some other guys.  Not the best guy to be around.  I feel bad for Spidey . . . dude’s crazy.”

“How so?”

“It’s something to do with his, ah, ‘origin story’ as he calls it.  An attempt to recreate Wolverine’s healing factor by a much less reputable source.  And when Deadpool wasn’t a fan, they tortured him through it, and disfigured him permanently in addition to giving him the best healing factor yet,” said Bruce, frowning. 

“So, he heals right away?”

“He can survive having his own head chopped off,” Tony replied, “And will continue to sass and confuse his enemy as long as he has a mouth that will do it.  Be careful, Pete—if he’s in New York for a while, you don’t know what he might do.  I don’t want you getting hurt.  I need a second science bro,” he ruffled Peter’s hair. 

So.  Deadpool was a tortured guy, mentally and physically scarred.  That made Peter feel marginally less hateful towards the murder he’d done. 

“What’s his name?  You know, his real one?”

“Something with alliteration,” Tony said as he scrolled through the schematics in front of him. 

“That narrows it down,” Peter grumbled, “That’s two-thirds of the people in this room.”  Tony paused, and so did Bruce. 

“Actually—yeah.  That’s weird.  But his name’s Wade Wilson.”

“Right, Wade!  He was ex-military, too, I think. Beforehand.”

“Okay,” Peter nodded.  As he headed home, a voice in his head that suspiciously sounded like MJ giving him advice said: _Keep your distance, Parker. That one’s a bomb waiting to blow._

That kind of advice would have been great, if Peter could get rid of the guy. 


	2. On the Spit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade joins a knitting circle and has a talk with Spidey.

**_I went down to Satan's kitchen_ **

**_To break my fast one morning_ **

**_And there I got souls piping hot_ **

**_All on the spit a-turning._ **

_Spidey’s cute_ , thought Wade.  He’s probably someone he’d ask out if he weren’t so fucked up.  Still. 

He was a New Yorker, a poster boy superhero sweetheart, and the entirety of the city (despite J. Jonah Jameson’s best efforts) loved the kid.  The Avengers were considering him as a part of their extended team, which was growing more and more, networking with other hero organizations, even ones they didn’t fully agree with (in all honesty that was just Wade that they outright didn’t like, but c'est la vie). 

“Wonder what brought Spidey to superheroing.  It’s a profession not too many people take up on a Saturday,” he mused. 

Yellow snickered, saying it was probably a tragic accident that led him to vow to protect the city he loved and all that sentimental shit. 

White rolled their eyes—clearly Spidey was more of a pragmatic guy; if he had the powers, why not use them to the best means possible?

Right.  Best means possible.  Like Wade was totally doing for himself by being a mercenary. 

To be fair, he was one before Francis took his toll.  That was true enough.  But the sort of stuff he did now versus then was different. 

So Wade began organizing stuff in his apartment.  Keeping busy kept the less-than-pleasant thoughts at least below his attention level. 

He cleaned the dishes.  Safer thoughts than Francis came to mind, though it certainly wasn’t the _best_ thing . . . _Spider-man’s not too bad looking in spandex.  Dat ass, mm._

* * *

 

Wade didn’t take jobs to go on unaliving sprees anymore.  That wasn’t his gig.  He killed the occasional asshole.  He saved kittens from trees.  _If I can do better, just a bit, maybe it’ll make up for it._   He meant what he’d said—he wasn’t a hero.  But maybe he could do hero things.  He wasn’t incapable.  Just like an athlete could be smart, or a science nerd could sing; he could do other things besides end lives. 

“Mrs. Nakowski,” he nodded at his neighbor as he fiddled with his keys.  The old woman occasionally needed help getting all her groceries put away, and Wade was usually the person that did it. 

“Oh, pooh,” she chuckled, flicking her wrist at him, “Don’t call me that, hon.  You’re a sweet boy.  I’m Nora.”

“Wade,” he nodded, finally getting his door to open. 

“Say,” she asked hesitantly, “Would you like to come to a knitting club with me?  You don’t have to knit or stay, I would just like some company I know before I try to talk to strangers,” she admitted. 

Wade grinned. 

“I knit a mean pair of gloves.  When do we go?”

“We meet on Tuesdays at 6 at this nice little café . . .”

* * *

 

The knitting circle had a couple of hipsters with their headphones on, literally just there to show off that they could knit.  Probably learned off of Pinterest and everything.   

Wade figured there were three major types of old folks he’d have to deal with—stubborn bats who were convinced that their way was the best way, gossips, and the cool grandmothers.  The ones who were as active as they could be, who didn’t wallow in their old-ness, who acted like they were still _people_.  Wade appreciated that. 

“Becca,” the oldest lady there said, reaching her hand out to Wade.  He hesitated, but shook.  Then she smiled at Nora. 

“You must be the one who emailed me—it’s nice to meet you, Nora.  My friend May was just saying we need fresh faces.  Who’s your friend?”

“My neighbor, Wade.  He’s a nice kid, helps me out with heavy loads on occasion when he’s not out at work.”

“I heard there would be knitting.  Haven’t done that in ages,” he grinned, “Hopefully the yarn is supplied?”

“It is,” chuckled Becca, “Here’s the supplies.  What are you thinking?”

“The job keeps me outside for the most part, so probably some gloves and earmuffs.  Maybe some other ones for my acquaintances.  We’ll see how far I get.  How often do you all meet?”

“Once a week, unless we have plans,” smiled May, “I’ve been able to come a little more often lately because my nephew has taken on another job, so he doesn’t come to visit as much.  For dinner, anyway.”

“That’s a travesty!  A lovely lady like you having dinner alone?  I won’t accept it!” Wade insisted, “We should go out together, all of us, have taco night or something.  Maybe after the club’s done, we can all try out different places.  I’ll drive!”

“Perfect,” Becca smiled. 

* * *

 

The next day, Wade shot three men in the legs, and two in the head.  They’d been harassing a young man, groping him in an alley when he was clearly shouting under their muffled hands and was struggling to run. 

Wade wasn’t going to exactly let them get away with that.  The kid nodded at Wade before sprinting off. 

Spider-man was on the roof Wade climbed to, arms crossed. 

* * *

 

Spider-man frowned at Wade.  Well, as much as Wade could tell with the mask. 

“Look, there’s a line between defending people and playing God.  You’re deciding who deserves to live or die, here.  I don’t think that’s fair to you, to make those decisions, or to the people they affect.”

“And if I went through official channels, how long before they were back doing what they liked best?” Wade frowned.  “Look, I’m not playing God.  I don’t care about right or wrong, kid.  Not really.  I know I’m no good, I’m not a hero.  That’s not my M.O.  I do the dirty work that none of the rest of the Avengers get to do.”

“Do you honestly believe none of them have blood on their hands?” Spider-man snapped, “The reason they’re heroes now is because they decided to do good in the world.  Hell, I figured . . . these powers I have, they leave me with a responsibility.  Same as anyone who has power.  I choose to use it to help people.  That wasn’t how I started, but I got my act together.  I still screw up.  You’re making _deliberate_ choices here, Deadpool.”

“I’m improving, dammit!” Wade finally snarled, “Do you know how many people I used to kill?  A lot.  Didn’t give a damn.  Hell, I would probably still shoot the same bastards I did before.  Point is, Spider-man, I came to New York to be a new man—like the Hamilton song—and I’m trying.”

Spider-man paused, then sighed. 

“Okay.  I’m sorry, Deadpool.  I’m . . . not happy that you’ve been killing.  But you know how to incapacitate without killing.  Three of those men in that alleyway prove it.  So how about this: I train you not to go for the kill shot.  We’ve both got healing factors—mine’s much less—so at least you’ll have someone more durable to train with.  And maybe . . . I was too hard on you from the start.  I can’t let others’ opinions cloud my judgement.  So—wanna try to be friends?”  He held out his hand to shake. 

Wade gaped. 

“Hell yes!  Dude, friends with Spider-man?  I’m blushing.  But you can’t tell because super suit.  Ha, like the Incredibles—I wonder if Fury has a Frozone suit back at home—oh, right,” he shook Peter’s hand. 

“I’m not ever going to understand any of your babbling, am I?” Spider-man guessed. 

“Hey, I can do the witty banter thing just like you.  Thing is, I have a different range of knowledge for it.  Hey, wanna grab a hot dog before heading home?  I’ll pay.”

“Sure,” he laughed, and Wade liked that laugh. 

_No crushing on the Arachna-kid; you literally just agreed to be friends._

_Too laaaaate!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still feeling out how to write Wade, and will probably go back and edit chapters as I sort him out. I saw an article listing really cute nerdy knit stuff, and Deadpool gloves were in there, so that started the knitting circle idea, and that snowballed to include cute but also badass old ladies (see, May Parker and Rebecca Proctor aka Becca Barnes) because Wade deserves friends. I'll be adding tags etc as I fine-tune everything. I just want the story to exist on the Internet before fretting about details, because I've completely backed out of ideas before when I try too hard to perfect them. Peter is, in my head, Tom Holland at least looks and mannerisms wise, but backstory wise is a bit closer to the Amazing Spider Man cartoon, though not exactly.


	3. A Toast to Both the Alliteration Association and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter fesses up to Aunt May, they go out with the knitting club buddies, and then Peter puts two and two together.

**_There I took a cauldron_ **

**_Where boiled ten thousand harlots_ **

**_Though full of flame I drank the same_ **

**_To the health of all such varlets._ **

“What is _with_ the nutjobs I’m stuck with?” Peter grumbled, swinging off of a street lamp.  Doc Oc was at it again, causing havoc in Times Square. 

“He’s got little minions and everything,” giggled Wade, who was more than happy to explode the bots that crawled across Central Park.  Hell, the little octopi would be cute if they weren’t shooting lasers that started small fires. 

“He’s smart, yeah, he can make his own army.”

“Octopi!  It’s like the start of a bad hentai, Spidey.  Come on.”  And Peter was glad no one could see his blush underneath the mask, because _he was a young adult man, dammit, and he knew what the merc was talking about._  

“Pretty sure that stuff does not come with weapons of mass destruction.”

“You’re reading the wrong hentai, clearly.”

Wade shot the next three bots. 

* * *

_SPIDER-MAN AND DEADPOOL—A MATCH MADE IN HELL?_

Peter groaned at the headline.  He’d provided the pictures, sure, but the whole newspaper was more of the same.  The pictures he’d taken of them together, with the intention of focusing on Wade positively, instead had become a gossip rag pairing the two of them romantically.  Peter didn’t mind that he was being paired with a guy—it just made no sense that it was _Deadpool_.  

Yes, Peter had dated girls—both Gwen and MJ in fact—but he certainly wasn’t blind to how good guys looked, or the fact that any person could be compatible with him romantically if they had the right qualities.  Physical traits didn’t make up their personalities. 

“Aunt May?”  He certainly liked to have Aunt May’s opinion. 

“Yes, Peter?”

“What do you think about this?  It’s totally not what the paper made it out to be, from my perspective when I took the pictures.”  May glanced at the headline and the pictures. 

“Well, it’s good that Spiderman has someone helping him out more.  Frankly, I think he deserves to be an Avenger, with how many times he’s saved this city, but what do I know?”

“But the Avengers save the _world_ , Aunt May,” Peter pointed out, flushing despite himself.  Him, an Avenger?

“Why not, Peter?  He’s a hero.  He shouldn’t have to go it alone.”  Peter frowned. 

“What happened to, ‘Risking lives and putting others in danger?’”  May had said those exact words about Spider-man before, and had put Peter off telling her. 

“He’s risking _his_ life, sweetheart.  And with heroes in the city, there are bound to be attacks—I just mean, if people weren’t so stupid as to stay and gawk at fights, they might be a little safer during those battles.  And by people I mean _you_.  How many times have you come home hurt because you stayed too close during an invasion or an attack?”  That . . . was too close to the truth.  She was angry at Spider-man for putting him in danger?  That’s why?

“It’s my job, Aunt May!”

“And you’re good at it, Peter, but I worry.  What if one day you don’t come home?  For a newspaper?  I’m scared every time you go out there with a camera, Peter,” she said quietly. 

“Aunt May . . . what I do . . . I . . . well . . .”  To be fair, he hated his job at the Planet.  The pictures were easy, but the company, the treatment, it was terrible.  He liked photography—it was the one artsy thing he could do—but what he was associated with because of it?  No thank you.  But the pay was good. 

“I’ve been keeping something about my job from you for a long time.”  Oh god, he was going to do it.  She tensed. 

“You can tell me anything, Peter.  You know that.”

“I know.  I’ve just . . . been trying to protect you from this for a while.  But.  Not knowing might be more dangerous,” he admitted.  “So, I need to start from the beginning.  Before Uncle Ben died, I was at that lab—remember?”

“The trip,” Aunt May nodded. 

“I’d been bitten by a radioactive spider.  They were doing experiments with them at the lab, and one got loose.  I didn’t say anything; thought it was a regular one . . . until I started sticking to things.  And being stronger.  And faster.  So I decided I’d earn some money off it, and signed up for a prize fight.  There was a robbery there on the way; I was in the costume already, but I didn’t do anything about it.  I—I heard a commotion coming back, and it was Uncle Ben trying to stop the robber.  That’s—I—I’ll never forgive myself for that, Aunt May.”  Her eyes were teary. 

“Peter, you did not kill my husband.  Not stopping the robber was not the best thing, but Ben would be proud to know our nephew, our son in all but the literal sense, is a hero.  Oh, Peter,” she grasped his arm, pulled him into a hug. 

It wasn’t a weight off his shoulders.  But something in his stomach, in his chest, loosened.  No more lies. 

She suddenly hiccupped, chuckling. 

“You’re getting paid to take selfies, Peter.  You’re getting paid by a well-known, mostly reputable newspaper, to take _selfies_.” 

* * *

As a little celebration, Aunt May invited Peter to join her to eat with her knitting club buddies.  Peter grinned—she’d really made good friends through the club, and he was glad she had other people to care about her besides him. 

“Where are we going?

“Tacos, tonight.  Wade, a nice young man, offered to drive the girls and I there.  He won’t mind adding you, I know.”

“Wade?”  Peter frowned, trying to remember where else he knew a Wade. 

“He joined with his neighbor, Nora, a couple of weeks ago.  He wants to make some earmuffs and gloves because his job takes him outside a lot.  Say, I should make some for you, Peter!”  Oh god.  Peter could see it now—Spider-man themed gloves with holes for his web shooters.  He couldn’t decide whether it deserved an “aw!” or a shudder.

“Thanks, Aunt May,” he decided.  They met with everyone—Becca, the eldest of the crew, challenged Wade to pick the spiciest thing on the menu.  He was good-looking, if incredibly scarred, and had a good sense of humor. 

“Chimichangas are my favorite, though,” he pouted. 

“Not for _you_ , dear, for me.  I like spicy food.”  He blinked. 

“Well, of course then!  What about you, Nora?”

“Goodness, no, I’ll just have a regular taco.”  May ordered a fajita, and Peter the same with different toppings. 

“Dude, your aunt is awesome,” Wade said with a dazzling grin. 

“I know,” Peter smiled.  _You have no idea_. 

“So, what’s your name?”

“Peter Parker.”

“Wade Wilson!  Hey, we both qualify for the Name Alliteration Association,” he laughed, holding his Slurpee cup up in toast, and oh.  Alliteration, Wade—fuck. 

_Deadpool’s in a knitting club with my aunt._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never understood Peter keeping it from Aunt May. His whole protection thing was bogus because if SHE knew, then she could use judgement to keep out of situations that are more dangerous. She's an older, caring woman that loves him, but she's also much wiser than her nephew, so I'd like to think Peter would know better than to think she'd take undue risks like he does unless she actually found it necessary. I'm a sucker for secret identity reveals and everything, but with her it just always broke my heart that Peter wouldn't freaking tell her. So yeah.   
> Plus Petey ain't stupid, so Wade=Deadpool shouldn't be that big of a stretch when there isn't much of a secret identity there. More, Wade just wears the mask on jobs etc but not in his social life because he craves just a teensy bit of normalcy once in a while, and people will stare at him with or without the mask. So yeah. Till next time!


	4. Little Old Woman Punches a Symbol of Liberty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, Wade's friend Becca has some Avengers connections of her own.

**_My staff has murdered giants_ **

**_My bag a long knife carries_ **

**_To cut mince pies from children's thighs_ **

**_For which to feed the fairies._ **

Wade laughed as Peter apologized for spit-taking. 

“No, I’m really sorry, just, I work as an intern at Stark Tower, and Bruce Banner and I said almost the same thing, and I—“ he snorted. 

“You work with Bruce Banner?” asked Nora, delighted, “I used to be a biochemist, back in the day, and I do _love_ his work—“

“So do you see Steve Rogers sometimes?” Becca asked.  Peter nodded. 

“You see Captain America?  Is he really that tall?” Wade asked. 

“Yes, and his shoulders really are that wide.  Thor’s arms are not a figment of TV broadcasting, either,” Peter snickered. 

But Becca was frowning. 

“What’s wrong, Mrs. Proctor?” Peter asked. 

“Oh, call me Becca, really,” she said, frowning, “It’s just . . . is he really Steve Rogers, from the 40’s and everything?  My son likes these conspiracy theories and all, and I, well,” she paused, “My maiden name is Barnes.”  Peter’s eyes widened as he realized—and Wade frowned as the boxes went nutso. 

_She’s Bucky Barnes’s sister!  Was Stucky a thing?  Ask, ask!_

_Obviously it wasn’t in the forties you idiot, but more importantly: Can we get an autograph?_

_Shut up both of you, I’m a semi-decent guy here trying to make nice with new friends._

_Really?  Where’s this decent guy?_

_Shut up._

“Becca Barnes?  That’s four for the Alliteration Association,” Wade pointed out, and successfully ruined any seriousness of the revelation. 

“I have Steve’s number!” Peter said, “Do you want it?  Oh my god, I can’t believe he didn’t look you up!”

“Me neither.  I’m going to _murder_ that boy,” she grumbled.  “If he’s Bucky’s Stevie, I’m going to _punch him_ , I swear.”  Peter chuckled disbelievingly.  And hell, Wade would pay to see Captain America get chewed out by a little old lady (he wasn’t exaggerating, Becca was short!). 

“Please let me get it on video,” Wade said.  Peter gave him a side-eye. “For posterity.  Just imagine him getting a scolding from Becca here, come on, I need to see this,” Wade insisted. 

“You can bring the popcorn,” Becca replied as she dialed the number Peter gave him.  She put it on speaker. 

“Hello?” Captain America’s voice asked. 

“Hey, Steve,” Becca replied, “It’s Becca.”

There was utter silence. 

“Becca?  God, Becks, I didn’t—oh my God,” he said, sincerely shocked. 

“I’m at Ricardo’s, the Mexican place in Queens.  Want to come over?”

“Yes, right away.  I’ll see you in a minute,” he replied. 

And Captain Fucking America showed.  Wade backed off, and Peter (ha, who’s so indignant about it now?) took out his phone to record it. 

“Becca,” he breathed, before embracing her.  He was huge, and, in comparison to her it was laughable how different they were in size. 

Once he let go, she slapped him.  Then punched him in the shoulder. 

“ _Ow_ , Becks,” he muttered, though he probably hadn’t felt a thing.    

“Did you even _think_ to call, huh?  And what kind of idiot crashes a plane into a freaking _glacier_?  And then you come back and don’t even call!  I’ve been wondering if the guy on TV was even you, Steve!  Dammit!” She pointed a finger accusingly at him.  _I should not be here.  We totally intruded on a private thing.  It’s Peter’s fault, really, for giving her the number_. 

“I’m sorry, Becca,” he said, face flushed. 

“Yes, well, don’t wait seventy more years to call, you dolt,” she replied evenly, and he grinned. 

“Will do, Ma’am.”

“Ugh, I’m younger than you, Steve, no ‘Ma’am’ ing me.”

“Technically, I’m in my twenties still.”

“You are older than me and that’s final.”

“Yes, Becca.”

* * *

 

“What possessed you to actually film it?” he asked Peter as they walked out of the restaurant. 

“Well, you said it, and then all I could think of was Clint and Tony’s faces seeing it,” Peter admitted. “It’s worth the ‘Steve Rogers is disappointed in you’ face.”

“Peter, my man, that was perfect,” Wade grinned.  They ate their churros as the women finished up their meal, and then Steve offered to drive everyone home, but Wade lived closer to Peter so he was taking him. 

“Thanks, Wade,” Peter said, and huh, that smile was nice. 

 _One crush, two crush, red crush, blue crush_ , murmured White in the back of his head.  Damn.  Peter was wearing blue.  Spider-man had a mostly red costume. 

 _Really?  Why are these guys I meet so cute?_ asked Yellow. 

“So, what do you do, outside of interning at Stark Tower?” Wade asked. 

“Uh, I’m a photographer for the Bugle.  I hate it,” he admitted, “Not the photo part.  The Bugle part.  Jameson is an asshole and if it didn’t pay good money to take action pictures of Spider-man, I wouldn’t do it for them.”

“Spider-man?  Wait, you caught the pics of him with Deadpool?”

“That’s me.”

“Wow!  You’re really good.  Some of those are like, photo-gallery worthy.  You know how they made the Captain America comics using a few pics from the war?  They should totally make Spider-man ones in this universe.  In another world we’re probably all comics already,” he grinned, spinning his truthful babble to be a little less insane-sounding. While he wasn't suited up, Wade tried to show some semblance of normal humanity.  It wasn't that he denied his insanity altogether--it was just exhausting to be the same wisecrack all the time.  He needed change, and he needed human contact (much as Yellow and White could keep him busy with conversation, there was a difference).  Peter was cute, but he also was a nice kid with a wicked sense of humor.  Wade knew it was sad that he had, like, no friends, so actually, he wouldn't mind getting to know Parker at all.  

“That’d be the best comic, though,” Peter mused, grinning, “Deadpool’s babble would all make sense to the readers because they’d know what’s going on and such.  It’d be even more endearing than Spider-man’s sarcasm.”  Wade grinned brilliantly. 

“Aw, you really think so?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And while this is primarily SpideyPool, I do want to include the stories of other characters, because if I just focused on Peter and Wade there would be no slow-burn to be had.


	5. The Fray Becomes Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking up for Peter, but not so much for his alter ego.

**_No gypsy, slut, or doxy_ **

**_Shall win my mad Tom from me_ **

**_I'll weep all night, with stars I'll fight_ **

**_The fray shall well become me._ **

_Oh, Peter.  You stupid, stupid spider._ _Wade Wilson, duh._

Deadpool wasn’t even half as bad as he thought. 

He was glad he was able to play off his spit take, but man, Wade as a person, now that he was distanced from the violence, seemed so different.  Peter could make the connections, no doubt, but it was still so different.  He was kind, he was funny, and he was good-looking—those eyes sparkled when he smiled and laughed, and Peter tried to reconcile that with the harshness the merc had shown in shooting men down. 

_Those scars look so painful._

And really, that answered it all. 

* * *

“Hey, kid, you do the photos of Spider-man, right?” asked Tony as he fiddled with a gauntlet for one of the Iron Man suits. 

“Yes,” Peter said slowly, setting down the book he was skimming for reference. 

“Would you be interested in being the Avenger’s official photographer?  Capsicle’s really into your style, and he’s the artist of this crew, so he knows what’s good.”

“Like, as an actual paid job?”

“What, you’re not getting paid for this?”

“No, it’s an internship.”

“Dammit, it’s supposed to be a _paid_ internship.  I’ll get Pepper on that; it was probably a paperwork mix-up.  I hate paperwork logistics.  But yes, it’d be in addition to what you were already supposed to be making here.”

“Dude.  I was just happy to earn class credit and stuff.”

“It takes a special brand of people to deal with me for extended periods of time.  Everyone who does gets paid to some extent,” Tony said cheerfully, “Action shots during fights are a little dicey; I don’t know _how_ you don’t get hurt just following Spider-Man.  But having you as our photographer will save time and effort on everyone’s parts whenever there are press conferences or interviews that require photography.  Having up-to-date, cool pictures is good PR, Pepper tells me that all the time.  Of course, if I do adopt you like I was telling Bruce, it would be nepotism, but this is the next best thing since you're already an adult and apparently I can't do that legally.  So what do you say?”

“I’m probably going to quit at the Bugle if I can do that,” Peter nodded, grinning, “Is everyone really okay with it?”

“Ask them yourself during lunch, if you’re so unsure.  I’ll make the calls about your salary in the meantime.”

* * *

 

Peter whistled as he swung through the city for late patrol.  Everything was looking up for Peter Parker now.  Except for the Deadpool thing being weird.  But he’d deal with that eventually (never if he could help it). 

Which was when the sentient green goop started making a mess in Queens.  Peter sighed and started web-slinging layers to try to net the things.  They kept seeping through the impromptu mesh. 

“It’s good you’ve finally met something you can’t catch,” said a voice, and _there_ was the megalomaniac of the week.  Peter couldn’t see the guy, but he was up on a hovering craft above the carnage. 

“Well, yeah, I suppose, since spiders aren’t the number one predators or anything, but I’m not really the biggest fan of the Flubber movies, so C-plus for style.”

“Is it radioactive?  Did you hulkify a perfectly good cup of Jell-O?” asked Wade, who was only splattering things with guns and katanas.  The thing simply reformed. 

“Well, with Sandman, I blowtorched him and he became glass.  What do you think, is this flammable?”

“Only one way to find out,” Wade replied, and Peter would love to know how he stored his weapons, because he threw a Molotov cocktail at a large pile of goo, which sizzled and screeched as it reduced down to little rubbery remains.  

“Next!” and a grenade launcher.  Seriously, how did he keep all these things on him?

Suddenly a bit of goo latched onto Wade, and Peter shouted for him to be careful.  Where it touched the merc, it was beginning to steam. 

“Ha-ah, ah,” Deadpool gasped, “That stings, ooh, that’s not good, they can be acidic if they want to be, that’s going to suuuuck.”

Peter swung across the street to grab Wade out of the goop. 

“Thanks, but shouldn’t we be keeping these contained?”

“I really don’t care if you can heal, that has to hurt,” Peter replied, setting the merc on a street lamp.

“Well, duh, acid, and not the fun kind,” Deadpool replied.  Peter rolled his eyes. 

“Why doesn’t it surprise me you’ve tried the supposedly fun kind?”

“Why doesn’t it surprise me you haven’t?”

“Point.  Well, fire works, but it’s also a bit uncontrollable.  I’ll make some mesh to hold things mostly together, then you light ‘em up.  Deal?”

“And I will sing Fall Out Boy for the rest of the fight,” agreed Wade.  Peter sighed. 

“Sure; go ahead.  Whatever.”

“If I didn’t know better, Spidey, I’d say you and Negasonic Teenage Warhead got lessons in teenagerism from the same angsty place.”

“Right,” Peter rolled his eyes, slinging webs and containing the majority of the goop in one pen. 

“Think you can take care of them while I grab the dude that started it?”

“Pshaw, sure.  Will do.”  It was kind of almost graceful, the destruction Wade wrought on the monstrous stuff.  

“Shout if you need me,” Peter said, slinging a web onto the hovercraft. 

_What the hell_. 

“Well, well, well, little Spider.  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  But you see, the Green Goblin doesn’t die.”  Peter immediately grabbed the Goblin, wrenching his arms behind him in a hold. 

“You’re dead, you died in that explosion, what the hell.”  Peter hissed, steadying the hovercraft while it wobbled. 

“Oh, Peter,” the Goblin chuckled, “You thought you could get _rid_ of me?  Sure, I’m not the same man that was under the mask before, but I know how the whole thing works.  Someone had to pick up where the guy left off.”

Peter tightened his hold, and the Goblin winced.  Definitely a newbie. 

“How dare you try and take the place of a dead man.”

“Who said he’s dead?  He wouldn’t be the first to fake it or come back,” he chuckled. 

Deadpool had cleared the goop by then, because the merc shot out the thrusters in the hovercraft, shouting, “Jump, Spidey!”  But the Goblin caught Peter by surprise, twisting around and grabbing him before leaping onto the nearest rooftop as the machine went down. 

After some grappling, the Goblin had Peter pinned. 

“Of course, I could also just be taking up his torch, picking up where he left off, like you said.  I rather enjoy the idea, hm?”  He leaned in. 

“Would just love to hear what a spider sounds like when he screams,” he whispered in Peter’s ear, tugging hard on his arm in a painful twist.  He held a syringe in front of Peter’s face. 

“This is a paralytic.  But you’ll be completely conscious.  What fun I’ll have,” he giggled manically. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so when I was younger, the only two superheroes I had any knowledge of were Batman and Spider-man. And I always likened the Goblin to the Joker, so this is kinda where the "Amazing Spider-Man" cartoon plot comes in--Norman Osborn was the Goblin, but faked his death at the hands of Spider-man. Harry blames the hero and was Peter's friend, and kind of was a controlling boyfriend to Gwen. That's the last of the cartoon plot that I recall, so I'm going mostly from there with the whole Goblin thing, because I'm making someone take over and I needed a villain. If this Goblin seems Joker-y, then that's because I just see him as a more Halloween-type Joker. (BTW always liked Spider-man better lol)


	6. Defending a Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade saves Peter from the wanna-be Goblin. What are the effects of his plot?

**_From the hag and hungry goblin_ **

**_That into rags would rend ye,_ **

**_All the sprites that stand by the naked man_ **

**_In the book of moons, defend ye._ **

Wade rushed up the building. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he growled, “Why couldn’t I have a mountain-climbing rope or something?  Why exactly didn’t I think of that? Hang on, Spidey, hang on,” he muttered.  

Yellow replied, _You know you’re not Batman, that’s why you don’t have everything.  Come on, you need a fancy utility belt._

_Check Amazon for TARDIS-level-fuckery belts later.  SOS.  Save our Spider._ Wade snapped back, and the two boxes shut up. 

By the time Wade had gotten up to the roof, the Goblin had injected Spidey with something. 

“Hell no,” Wade growled, shooting the guy in the legs.  There was a shout, but clearly whatever he was hopped up on upped his pain tolerance completely, because he continued to attempt to get up. 

“I don’t think so.  I really do not care what this whole slime apocalypse was supposed to be.  What did you give him, you bastard?”

“Well, well, well, the monster has a heart,” grinned the green goblin.  _More fucking alliteration._

“Well?”

“He’d probably have fought me harder if I’d told him the truth,” the Goblin said gleefully.  _Stop it already_. _Too many G words.  Come on, use some other literary device as your inside joke._

“What did you do?” Wade repeated, unsheathing his katanas. 

“Well, I _did_ tell him that I gave him a paralytic.  That was true.  I just happened to also include a little venom from a spider I stole from Oscorps.  Funny, I think it might just make him more of a freak.  Maybe I’ll be able to find out who he is, hm?  And make him pay for killing the first goblin.  You see, a spider went missing from their labs a long time ago.  It’s very clear to me that somehow, he got bitten, and that was what triggered his abilities.  Now I wonder how much venom that took.  A milliliter, maybe?  But what if I’d happened to harvest a bit of that venom and put it in with the rest, Deadpool?  What happens to Spider-man then?”

Wade shot the guy’s kneecaps for good measure, knocking him to the side with the flat edge of his blades.  He took one of Spidey’s wrists and activated the web shooter to hold the guy down. 

“Rat bastard.  You’re lucky I’m trying to clean up my act, or you’d be dead.  You aren’t even half as talented as your predecessor, although I’ll admit the acidic Flubber was a nice attempt.  Whoever you are, I’m taking you to the authorities and calling for help.  Asshole.”

Wade waited ( _god DAMMIT_ ) for a group from SHIELD to show up. 

“Think you can help Spider-man?  He’s hurt really badly, and the goblin shot him up with some experimental venom and paralysis stuff.  I’m not a doctor,” he said.  The suit he’d turned to frowned. 

“Spider-man, according to our files, has a decent enough healing factor that he should be able to move sooner than later.  We’ve got the Goblin in custody and are going to unmask and question him in a few hours.  And SHIELD isn’t as equipped to help any enhanced people as the Avengers.  Should I give them a call, or would you rather stick with Spider-Man in a normal hospital?”

“Avengers.  I just don’t want to leave him alone.”

“Got it.  I’ll make the call.”

* * *

Clearly, Stark and Romanov hated him.  Rogers didn’t seem to know what to do with him, Barton found him funny, and Banner was busy with taking care of Spider-Man.  Thor wasn’t present to give his opinion. 

Wade relayed the information the Goblin had given him. 

“Radiation affecting biology is, fortunately or unfortunately, my specialty,” grimaced Bruce, “Though I don’t know how exactly this will affect Spider-man.  I don’t know anything about his genetic history, and I’d rather wait for his consent before unmasking him or anything else.  This doesn’t appear to have any immediate effects.  My guess is that he will develop new abilities and have strengthened versions of his prior ones, but that’s all speculation.  The paralytic, thankfully, was something Widow uses, so we were able to calculate—he should be free of it within a few minutes.  Then we can discuss his options with him.”

When Peter did wake up, he groaned. 

“Good thing I could hear all that.  And no thanks on the identity reveal, guys, but I’d be happy to do whatever tests to figure out how this’ll affect me.”

“We can do some scans,” Bruce agreed, “But I’m afraid most of the mutations will probably manifest at a, ah, more practical level.”

“So , , , I’ll suddenly have eight eyes tomorrow morning?” Spider-man guessed. 

“Six more of what I’m sure are pretty eyes already,” Wade grinned, and _stupid shut up_. 

“Uh, right,” aaand Spidey was uncomfortable now.  Good job, Wilson, really. 

“No harassing the arachnid,” quipped Stark, “Now, we can let you run wild in our training rooms after you recover so you can test out differences in a controlled environment.  Also, I want a look at those web shooters; pretty sure you just re-worked the Oscorp hyper-strength tensile fiber thing, right?”

“It’s where I got my idea for it, y’know, keeping the spider theme, but I didn’t have any more access to their formula than the public, so I made my own from scratch based off of what I knew from their public records of it.”  Tony whistled. 

“Impressive.  Get some rest, Spider-man.  Bruce and I are going to science this out while you swing around our training area, so be good and ready before getting up.  And thanks, Wilson, for bringing him here.”

“Thanks for saving me, Deadpool,” Spider-man agreed. 

* * *

“I am so ready for this.  Super Spidey to the rescue and all!” Wade gushed, glad that thus far nothing averse had happened to Spider-man. 

“No cosmetic mutations, thank goodness,” he replied, “I checked myself over in the bathroom just in case I turned purple or something.  Can’t be too careful, you know?”

“Believe me when I say, turning purple probably wouldn’t have been the worst thing,” Wade replied, gesturing to himself.  Spider-man tensed. 

“Right—I’m sorry about that, that was insensitive, wasn’t it?”

“Think about who you’re talking to and say that again.  Insensitivity is my thing, kinda.  Along with crazy.”

“I’m sorry about that, really.  I know a little bit about how you got your healing factor, and no one would have made it out of there without mental and physical scarring.  It was rude of me.” 

Wade spluttered, baffled.  Most people would have shrugged and moved on. 

“Honestly, I just meant that purple’s better than, as one of my acquaintances at the time called it, ‘an avocado that had sex with an older, uglier avocado’.”  Spider-man was silent. 

“Well, here’s the Avengers training room, if the man in the ceiling is to be trusted, which considering he’s like Alfred mixed with SIRI made by Tony Stark, he is.”

“Will you need anything else, sir?”

“JARVIS, what did I say last time?”

“Will you need anything else, my dope ass fresh prince?”  Spider-man spluttered, laughing incredulously. 

“Nah, I’m all Gucci.” 

“Very well.”

“My dope ass fresh prince?” Spidey asked. 

“You know it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep ahead of the chapters. The story's starting to write itself now that I know where I'm going :)


	7. In Which Things Didn't Go Wrong After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter tests the effects of the extra spider venom, and chats with the Avengers.

**_With a thought I took for Maudlin,_ **

**_And a cruse of cockle pottage,_ **

**_With a thing thus tall, Sky bless you all,_ **

**_I befell into this dotage_ ** _._

Whoever the new Goblin guy was, he clearly didn’t understand the concept of “arch nemesis”, because Peter was grinning ear to ear at the fact that he was not only stronger or faster, but—

“I’m making my own webs now!  Woo!” he cheered as he took off the gloves of his outfit, testing the strength of the sticky stuff that he no longer had to manufacture. 

“You’d think a villain wouldn’t give a hero _more_ powers,” Deadpool commented, and Peter grinned. 

“My thoughts exactly.  He was probably hoping for a more adverse reaction or something.  More’s the pity.”

Peter tested the strength, pulling on them.  And he noticed that the sublimation factor—the webs dissolving into the air—took a little longer, but he certainly wasn’t complaining about not needing to make any more. 

“Hey, do you still have that ‘Spidey-sense’ thing?  How’s it looking?”

“It’s a thing for dodging, which I don’t have anything to dodge right now,” Peter shrugged. 

“I could throw weights at you?”

“Maybe not today,” Peter replied, marveling at his wrists as he stood on one of the hanging light fixtures.  The glands the webs came from weren’t even visible. 

* * *

 

“If anything else develops,” Bruce warned, “You should stop by and tell us.  I imagine you live in Queens, since that’s where most of your crime fighting happens, so it’s not that far of a walk if anything should happen.”  Steve walked over from the next room. 

“Can you come with me to the living room?” Peter followed, where most of the Avengers were sitting. 

“I’ve gotta run.  Got some groceries to do for a neighbor.  See ya Spidey!” Deadpool waved, and Peter frowned. 

“Bye.”  That was sudden.  Peter tried to shake off the disappointment of the merc leaving him.  They’d become . . . friends of a sort, and he had saved Peter’s life. 

“Spider-man, if it’s not too much to ask, how would you feel about joining the Avengers?”  Peter blinked. 

“Would I still be able to do my thing?  Because while yes, I’d like to help with the whole alien invasion or world crisis thing whenever possible, I don’t want to give up on helping with the smaller stuff, which you guys don’t seem to do.”

“Yes, well, by the time the smaller stuff gets to our ears, you’re usually almost done with it,” Tony said from the living room. 

“Really?  Because I don’t have any fancy surveillance like SHIELD does.  I just swing around the city regularly.”

Natasha came up the hallway, frowning. 

“We’ve identified the Goblin and his purpose.  Spider-man, he wanted revenge for the death of the previous Goblin, and wanted the venom to have an adverse effect such as physically mutating you visibly.  He’s the son of the original Goblin—he’s Harry Osborn.  What do you want to do?  The city isn’t pressing charges for the slime because there was very minimal damage, but you have the option.”

Peter froze. 

“He swore he wasn’t going to take the green anymore,” he said, “I know him outside the mask, and he’d been blacking out after taking an experimental drug by Oscorp.  He promised his girlfriend and I that he wouldn’t take it anymore.  His father had framed him to me to be the Goblin, then later revealed the fact that it wasn’t him.  And now he actually is?  This is a mess.”

“He’s your friend?  Does he know?”

“Literally only my Aunt knows.  And I just told her a couple of days ago.  No one else has a clue.”

“Well then, perhaps you should expand that number,” Natasha offered, and Tony snorted. 

“I’m literally the only one here who’s had a secret identity the way this kid has.  Granted I was a bit more visible.  But still—Spider-man, while keeping secrets from the public is probably in your favor for now, I suggest telling friends.  People you trust.  That way it’s not this huge deal if it comes out by accident.”

“Right,” Peter sighed, “I’ll get on that eventually.  But Harry, for all intents and purposes, was trying to torture me somehow with this.  I can’t put people in danger by telling him.”

“Does he care about the people you care about?” It was plausible incentive not to hurt Peter, but . . .

“Yes, but somehow I don’t think as much . . . he’s being a bit . . . controlling.”

“Welp, can’t help you there,” Tony shrugged, “Feelings are not my forte.”

“It’s not any of our fortes.  We all suck at emotions,” replied Barton. 

“Ugh, the entirety of the Avengers and Avengers-adjacent people—yes I’m the second—need therapy,” Peter complained.  He was a college kid, taking some gen-ed psychology courses.  They’d just gone over disorders.  “We all probably have a PTSD rap a mile long.  Granted, a therapist for any of us would have to have to sign all of the non-disclosure agreements and be super qualified for messed up situations, but one of these days it’s just not going to end pretty if none of us get help.”

Sam frowned thoughtfully. 

“It’s not a bad idea.  I’ll make some calls to friends I have in that field.”

“I don’t think a shrink of any caliber will be able to handle our kind of crazy,” Barton pointed out.  Peter shrugged. 

“I talk to my school’s health and wellness counselor a lot.  Granted, I don’t give her the full story, but it’s helped more often than not.  My friend’s a psych major too, and she’s talked me through some hard things without knowing I’m Spidey.  Wouldn’t you see a doctor for a problem, even with your healing factor, Captain?”

Steve nodded.  Sam snorted. 

“He probably wouldn’t, actually.”

“I would!” Steve protested, “I’d just wait until the fight was over, if that’s the reason for it.”

“My point stands,” Peter shrugged. 

“So, if you’re allowed to continue your stuff, and get a bit of backup when you need it, would you like to be an Avenger?” Steve confirmed.  Peter grinned. 

“Heck yeah.  How do we make it official?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, Peter's totally not wrong about the whole therapy thing, let's face it. And while they might be aware they're messed up, I imagine (Tony's a good example in Iron Man 3 - he really just ignores the PTSD thing as much as he can even though he makes it clear that he is not fine) that it would take an extra push to get any of them to really face matters. And Peter, being the youngest one present, is in college, and let me tell you, taking a basic college psychology course gets you a lot more aware of how people act and gets you into the whys. So him coming up with therapy as a solution is as plausible as Sam, and Sam, who is likely actually getting therapy or a version of it through his VA work (in this verse he runs a lot of group sessions) probably hadn't put that much thought into the fact that all of the Avengers could benefit, because he hadn't been suffering more than normal in that sense.


	8. Wearied Hearts Grow Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade tries to take some drastic measures, but Peter talks him down and they both get even more than they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> short depiction of a panic attack by someone who has never had one  
> brief mention/attempt of self-harm from Wade; since he's physically invincible it means less to him but all the same

**_I slept not since the Conquest,_ **

**_Till then I never waked,_ **

**_Till the rougish boy of love where I lay_ **

**_Me found and stript me naked._ **

_Burn dry breathe BREATHE not enough can’t fucking breathe come on come on god why BREATHE not enough air, not enough, can I please breathe_

Wade bolted upright in bed, gasping deeply. 

_Well.  That would be oxygen_. 

Fucking nightmares.  He was still shaking. 

_Stupid. Stupid.  Come on, it was just a dream.  You’ve had that one a billion times.  Come on._   Yellow and White were very quiet when he first woke up at any time—they were heavier sleepers than him. 

“Why exactly am I like this,” he muttered, rolling his shoulders.  They ached from being curled up in bed for so long.  _Now that I’m not strapped down flat I can sleep however I goddamn please_ , he thought wearily. 

Still, the burning, itching edge to the air wouldn’t cease.  Almost as if once he finally got a little oxygen, it was too much.  His insides fucking _burned_. 

“Okay, okay, maybe if I jump off a ledge, that’ll get the healing going again.  Maybe I can break some bones to knock something loose.”

_You know that’s not how it works_ , ah, and there was white. 

_You’d think you’d realize just how much it really doesn’t work after a few years.  Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is a sign of . . . oh wait._

“It’s better than sitting here staring at the ceiling.  Better put on my suit so no one gets traumatized.” 

_Good, they’ll just think you’re a drunk Daredevil cosplayer. Why on Earth is it so hard for some people to distinguish the members of Team Red?_

He climbed up to the roof and went east a few buildings, just to be sure none of his neighbors would get involved.  “Huh, not a lot of traffic today.  Can’t hear any car horns.”  Just as he was about to step off the ledge into an alley, a familiar voice called. 

“Deadpool!”  Damn. 

“Uh, hey Spidey.  ‘Sup?”  Spider-man crossed his arms, silent for a moment. 

“Not much.  I was going to swing by your place to hang out.  I haven’t seen you for a couple weeks.”

“Heh, thought you were an Avenger now?”

“And?”

“Well, I wouldn’t think you’d want to hang out with a guy you barely tolerated just because he was helpful when you’ve got new super friends.”

“That’s . . . did you miss the part where you saved me from probably being tortured by Goblin?  When the Avengers didn’t even know it was going on?  I—is this what I think it is?” he asked, gesturing to the ledge. 

“I mean, I bounce right back no matter what.  Like a roach.  Or a stubborn fungus.”

“That’s not the point, is it,” Spidey guessed. 

“Ah, I just . . . sometimes I need to knock some feeling back into myself.  A few screws loose, you know?  All that yammering in my head, some wires get crossed, and—“

“You’re hurting yourself,” Spider-man cut him off, “And I imagine there’s a better reason than for the lols.”

“I—well, aren’t you observant,” Wade grumbled, “I had a nightmare, and I had to make sure I was awake, I had to shake myself from it, because it was a flashback to what made me, well, this,” he gestured to himself, then remembered that Spidey had not seen him under the mask. 

“Well, I mean, underneath—it’s not pretty.”

“I—well, I’m aware of the scarring.  Hey, you know, how’s about I show you what’s under the mask?  Will that be something to distract you from the nightmare?”

“You sure about that?”

“Believe me, any sense of seeing you as a hardened criminal has been lost,” Spidey chuckled, “We’ve been friends for a while now, right?”

“You’d call us friends?”

“I mean, we share interests and spend a lot of time together and enjoy each other’s company—unless you don’t—et cetera.”

“No, no, I just didn’t think _you’d_ —well, I thought my enjoyment of our time together was rather one-sided.”

“Nah, you’re funny, and kinda sweet, Wade.”

“You know my name?”

“Ah, well,” Spidey removed his mask.

“ _Peter_?”  And Wade removed his, you know, _you show me yours I show you mine_ , but _dude_ , Peter was Spider-man?  He’d already known.  And he was smiling sheepishly. 

“I mean, you knit with my aunt.  I kinda trust you with her, so why wouldn’t I trust you around me?”  He was so _cute_.  And he was—okay, Wade wasn’t crushing on two people, he was crushing on one person doubly. 

“I can’t decide whether it’s better or worse,” and _there_ goes the brain to mouth filter. 

“What?”

“Erm, never mind.  Yellow talking about something.”

“That’s not how you talk when you speak with your boxes—you talk at them like they’re off to a particular direction.  That was definitely you talking in general.”  _Damn observant spider._

“Okay, so, like, I was totally crushing on Spider-man.  And I thought Peter was cute and funny.  So I couldn’t decide it was better or worse that it was one big thing instead of two small ones?”  Peter blinked. 

“I had no idea.”

“Yeah, well, that was the point.”

“Well, I would have liked to know!”

“I won’t creep on you, I swear, I’ll keep my distance—“

“No, that’s the opposite of what I’m trying to ask.  Literally the opposite.  Spider-man wise, I considered you a friend.  Peter wise, I thought you were good looking and funny.  I’m interested in you,” Peter admitted, “Do you . . . do you want to go out with me?”

Wade paused. 

“You’re joking, right?”

“No!” Peter snapped, “I’ve never asked a guy out before, and I’d appreciate it if you took it seriously.”

“No, it’s just—only one person in my life was okay with this,” he gestured to his face, taking off his mask, “You sure you want to be seen with me?”

“You’re _handsome_ , dammit,” Peter grumbled, “I’m sure before the scarring people came onto you all the time, right? And people who aren’t idiots still should.  If someone paid attention to you for more than it takes to see the scarring they’d think you’re amazing, and I do.”  Wade was floored. 

“You’re sweet to your neighbor, you joined a knitting club, and don’t think I didn’t forget you bought me those coffees on taco night these past few weeks and never let me pay you back.  Yes, you were and are a mercenary.  Yes, you’ve killed people, but you do much less, if any, of that now.  No, I’m not joking.  Will you go out with me?”

“Hell yes,” Wade nodded.  _Spidey likes us.  Peter likes us.  He thinks we’re—he thinks I’m amazing._

For once, white and yellow had nothing to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the Spideypool commence!


	9. Coffee with MJ, Gwen, and Wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin, with an interruption from an escaped criminal.

**_I know more than Apollo,_ **

**_For oft when he lies sleeping_ **

**_I see the stars at mortal wars_ **

**_In the wounded welkin weeping._ **

Peter hadn’t talked to his friends in ages, so it was nice to have coffee with them.  

“I really can’t believe you’re quitting the Bugle,” gasped Gwen. MJ smiled. 

“ _I_ can’t believe you’re photographing the Avengers on a regular basis.  More importantly: Captain America’s shoulder-to-waist ratio—is that photoshopped?  Come on, details,” she urged, and Peter laughed. 

“No, it’s all very, very real.  Steve isn’t even aware of it sometimes, I think.  I only do contrast and lighting editing for the finished stuff, promise.”

“So their official social media pages—you’re revamping them?”

“Pretty much.  Whenever it’s official stuff I take over.  Tony wants me to take pictures of each of his suit designs and some of the tech he’s working on for company things.  Steve occasionally wants me to take pictures of his art, which he posts on his secret Instagram.”

“Secret insta?  I need to know,” Gwen replied, smiling. 

“He doesn’t list it as anything to do with Captain America because he doesn’t want people to like or dislike his work because of his public persona—he just wants to make art, y’know?  Here, I’ll show you.”  The girls loved it, scrolling through a variety of pieces. 

“A lot easier to take pictures of art that stays still than a bunch of superheroes in combat, huh?” asked MJ, grinning. 

“Well, gotta do both,” Peter shrugged, “At least instead of following Spider-man only I get cool shots of all the Avengers.  Seriously, the action shots of a spandex-clad dude with webs can only be interesting until you get the exact same picture on two occasions.”

“That’s kinda dangerous, Petey,” MJ frowned.  

“I know, but it’s not the most exciting thing that happened to me,” he paused. 

“I asked someone out, and they said yes.”

“Oh my god, Peter, I need to know!” Gwen gasped, “Who are they?  How’d you meet?”

“Well, I saw him at work a couple of times, but got to know him a little better when he joined a knitting club that Aunt May’s a part of.  Apparently, he’d been crushing on me for a while but didn’t think he was good enough for me.”

“No one’s good enough for you, Peter,” assured MJ, and he snorted. 

“You say that now, but honestly, he’s a really sweet guy once you get past the crass sense of humor.”

“Gwen!” Harry Osborn, dressed pretty well but very out of breath, approached them.  Peter stood up immediately, not letting him reach out to grab Gwen’s arm like he motioned to. 

“How the hell are you here?” he asked, and Harry frowned.  Peter had to tread carefully of course—Harry had no idea that Peter was Spider-man, but Peter knew that Harry was dangerous, if the green sentient acid in the park had been any indication. 

“What’s wrong, Parker?”  The girls looked confused as well. 

“I work at Avengers Tower, Harry, I know what happened.  How did you get out of SHIELD custody?”  Harry straightened, while Gwen and MJ gasped. 

“Then you’ve got to know it was a set-up, Peter.  You know me.”

“Apparently not,” Peter grumbled, getting between Harry and the girls, “Because that last Goblin that attacked Spider-Man was you.  I’m not above telling them that when you could have done some serious damage with that venom you injected him with.”

“And you’d take Spider-Man’s word over mine?  Peter, we’ve been friends for years.  What could possibly make you believe the man that killed my father over me?!”

“He didn’t kill your father, pipsqueak,” said a voice, and Peter was eternally grateful. 

“And who the hell are you?”

“Wade Wilson.  Friend of Spidey and boyfriend of Peter.  Also, your old man isn’t dead, because he tried to hire me to do some dirty work not a month ago, trying to off people that could out him as faking it.” 

“My question stands: how’d you get out of SHIELD?” Peter asked. 

“Couple of smoke bombs.  No one injured.  Not even Spider-man, if the rumors are to be believed.  The venom didn’t do its job,” Harry spat, “And as for you, I’m really not inclined to believe you.”  He looked at Wade with hate and disgust.  A spike of possessive and protective anger struck Peter. 

“Want proof?”  Wade offered, “Because it exists.”

“Harry, you were the Goblin that day.  You meant to hurt Spider-Man.  You swore you wouldn’t take the green,” Gwen said, tearing up. 

“Oh, so now you’re leaving me behind,” Harry snapped. 

“No.  You left me behind when you made that stupid, stupid decision, Harry.  You left us all behind for revenge,” Gwen said, and Harry lunged—but not before Peter darted out and caught him by the wrists.  Wade was on him in a moment, pinning the would-be-supervillain to the ground. 

“Look, kid,” the merc began, whispering harshly in his ear, “The only thing that’s keeping me from killing you?  My promise to Peter to clean up my act.  How are your knees doing, pal?  Bet that green healing factor isn’t as fast as mine, so it must still twinge just a bit.”  Harry paled and went limp. 

“You’re going back to SHIELD custody,” Peter said, “Believe me when I say you shouldn’t have broken out.  They’re going to be extra hard on you now, Harry, and despite what you did . . . well, I can’t be held responsible for that.”  Peter called Tony, asking for Coulson’s number, and then called Coulson. 

“Hey, you guys missing a Green Goblin dude?  Yeah, we’re at—you’re hacking my GPS aren’t you.  Starbucks, yes, I was with friends.  My boyfriend has him pinned.  We’ll wait.”  Couldn’t Peter go _one_ day without things going pear-shaped?

* * *

After the fiasco, Gwen and MJ left Peter and Wade at the coffee shop, MJ winking at Peter as they left. 

“Accidental dating, I can get behind.  I like your friends.  Well, two thirds of them.”

“After that, do you really think I still consider Harry my friend?”

“Hey, I’m not one to judge,” Wade shrugged, “I’ve had friends try to kill me before.  I just come back and annoy them.”

“You coming back after being dead doesn’t make up for someone killing you,” Peter said slowly, “You know that, right?  The whole intent-to-kill should throw you off a bit on the friendship scale.”

“Meh, I grow on people.  Like a fungus.  Eventually they put up with my babble or keep their distance.  Those who don’t do either resort to violent means.”

“Well, I’m not ‘putting up’ with it.  I like listening to you,” Peter smiled, blushing slightly. 

Wade’s smile lit up everything, Peter decided, and he promised himself to try and see it more often.  It was really like seeing the stars light up the sky on a clear night—once, while Peter had been out driving in the country for a spring break road trip, he’d seen the Milky Way, and it was a little like that. 

“Peter?  You okay?” Wade asked, “You’ve got kind of a sad smile so I don’t know whether it’s more good or bad.”

“It’s good.  Just thinking—I like your smile, too.”  Wade blushed immediately. 

“You don’t have to butter me up; I agreed to be your boyfriend.  Enthusiastically I might add.”

“The word boyfriend never came up, but I approve.” 

Wade whistled. 

“Wow, way to put a label on us, Petey.  My other half.  My partner.  My _boyfriend_.”

“As long as you never, ever call me Daddy Long Legs, I could care less.”  Wade spluttered, and Peter grinned in satisfaction at throwing his boyfriend off, when so many times Wade could simply spin it around. 

“Is web bondage not a thing with you then?” Dammit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it weird that that 'putting up with it' line is something I've said in real life? Me playing the part of Peter? 
> 
> Anyway, Harry's smart enough to engineer the slime and the venom, and he's sneaky enough to escape SHIELD. What's he up to? Hm...
> 
> Also, I'm slightly more aware of some of Wade's background in the comics, so I might pull in a character or two from his side of things as we progress. Who would be your favorite to bring in? I've got knowledge from the Deadpool movie and some highly basic stuff from the comics, so I generally know who Domino, Cable, Eleanor, and Weasel are.. and I know about his thing with Death to an extent. Any preferences before I write too specifically?


	10. Coffee Runs and Meeting the Coworkers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gives Wade a shovel talk of a sort.

**_The moon embrace her shepherd,_ **

**_And the Queen of Love her warrior,_ **

**_While the first doth horn the star of morn,_ **

**_And the next the heavenly farrier._ **

Wade giggled as he knocked down the next robber. 

“Honestly, Spidey, how’d they ask?”

“You would have known if you didn’t leave.”

“The Avengers at large do not want me around.  Widow made that clear with the use of my own katanas and her killer-thigh-maneuver.”

“I’ll talk to them.”

“No, it’s between me and them,” Wade sighed.  _Individually, and collectively.  Ooh, collecting, can we collect all the action figures?_

“Then can I ask them to talk to you?  Better yet, can I just bring my boyfriend to work and see the looks on their faces?”

“Of horror?”

“Of shock.  Seriously, if I go in as my non-spider self, I work for them anyway, and Tony, Bruce, and I are the epitome of science nerds together.  The looks on their faces would be even better because I’m supposed to ‘record candid moments with the Avengers’ with my camera, so they can’t even get mad that I ‘record’ that.”

“You would be the worst supervillain,” Wade decided.  Peter was way too pure and nice for that, but if he wasn’t, he was clever and powerful enough to be ruthless. 

 _Kinda like you,_ said Yellow, _but sexier.  Look at that ass in spandex.  Look at our boy go._

“Nah, I think that title already goes to Harry, because instead of hurting me, he gave me _more_ spider powers.”

“I meant worst for the heroes to deal with, but you’re right, you’re too cute to be evil.”

“Right,” Peter chuckled. 

* * *

 

Wade hadn’t thought Peter was serious until Peter called him while at work. 

“Hey, babe, mind bringing lunch to the lab?  We’re in the middle of a project but I need food from outside Stark Tower.” 

“Ooh, you _do_ like nicknames then?”

“As long as it isn’t the one about the legs.”

“What do you want?”

“Could you stop by the Supermercado on the corner and get one of those pre-made sandwiches?  They have fresher stuff for cheap.”

“Ooh, the one Nora always shops at.  They have awesome fresh fruit cups.  Plus _churros_.”

“Yeah!”

“I’ll be over in a bit.  Let JARVIS know I come bearing your lunch.  Do your science buds want anything?”

“You’re my boyfriend, not theirs,” Peter replied, and wow, that did something.  _Down boy._

“I get all tingly when you get possessive, Peter.”

“Right,” Peter chuckled. 

“See you in a bit!”  Wade had gathered Peter didn’t like things overly spicy, so he opted for a milder wrapped sandwich and got four coffees in a tray while he was there (well, three coffees and a Mexican Hot Chocolate that he would guzzle down fairly quickly).  Might as well impress the bosses. 

_And maybe Peter will reward you.  Ooh, can you imagine that innocent looking face looking up at you from—_

“Nope, so much nope, I need to be presentable,” he muttered as he hurried down the street. 

Finally he arrived at the tower, and JARVIS let him in. 

As he came up to the lab, he could hear Peter talking to Stark and Banner. 

“My boyfriend’s bringing me lunch, I’m good.”

“Boyfriend?  Why haven’t I heard about him?”

“Because you don’t ask about my personal life often?  I don’t know.  It didn’t come up.”

“I also brought coffee for you and your two bosses if they’re so inclined.  One decaf for Banner, one with extra cream and sugar for you, and one black for Stark.”

“Your boyfriend is perf—holy shit, Wilson, what the hell?” asked Tony.  _Flash_.  Banner glanced up from his work station, dropping his pen.  _Flash._   Wade almost missed Peter tucking his camera under his desk. 

“Hey Peter!  Coffee, sandwich.  Stark, Banner.”

“Is _that_ why you were asking about him?” asked Banner. 

“You were asking them about me?  I’m _flattered_ , Peter-Piper.”

“Your pet names need work,” Peter sighed, “And no, I’d only just met him when I asked.  Actually, the whole alliteration thing, Wade?  That’s how I recognized you as Deadpool, because Bruce and I are also part of the alliterating names club or whatever you called it.”

“Name Alliteration Association,” Wade corrected, “It was only a few chapters ago, Pete.  For shame.”

“How did you two even get together?” Tony asked as he accepted the coffee the mercenary handed him. 

“Originally, I was at the bank with Spider-man and Deadpool, remember?  Well, apparently, when Wade goes around in civvies, he joins knitting clubs and feeds stray animals.  As you might say, Tony, he’s a cinnamon roll.”

“Spider-man agreed to help train the ‘go for the unalive shot immediately’ reflex out, and Peter . . . well, being around him has stabilized me a bit more like only a few people in my life have.  So here we are, boyfriends,” he said, gesturing widely.  He knew Stark and Banner were very unlikely to take him at his word, but for Peter’s sake might give him the benefit of the doubt. 

Banner sighed. 

“Well, thanks for the decaf.  It’s actually pretty good.  I’m going to take these results to medical to see what the actual people doctors think.”

“Yeah, do that,” Tony waved him off.  And there was the glare. 

“Tony . . .” Peter warned, but Wade was ready.  Lesser men had judged him more harshly than he felt he was going to get. 

“They once called me the Merchant of Death.  I manufactured weapons, like my dad before me.  What I’d made, what I still could make, could tear the world apart so easily.”

“Is this where he tells me if I hurt you he kills me?  That's kind of physically impossible.” Wade stage whispered to Peter, trying to ease his discomfort. 

“No, this is not that talk, because I respect Parker to make his own decisions and to take care of himself.  I do have a point here though.  JARVIS, record this.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Peter told all of us Avengers to basically get therapy.  The Falcon got me in with a good shrink, one who isn’t too serious for me.  You aren’t the only one with blood on your hands, Wilson, even if your route is messier.  If you’re serious about this rehabilitation thing, I can talk to Coulson, or hell, Steve, depending on the kind of work you want to do.  Don’t get me wrong, you’re messed up.  Just—so am I, in a different way, and probably not as much.  I don’t know if a therapist _could_ help you.  Just . . . take it from a guy with a high kill count as well; you can save lives, too.  It takes a hell of a lot more effort, but it’s worth it.”  Wade was puzzled, but shrugged. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks Stark!”

“And, because I know you’re kind of like me, know that I still don’t trust you.”  Not half-bad, considering the possibilities. 

“Likewise.”

“Good.  Then enjoy yourself with Peter, because I’m letting him leave early today to enjoy an afternoon out with his boyfriend.  A gift to _him_ , not _you_ , remember.”

“Got it.  Finish up your sandwich on the go, sugar-plum.”

“The _pet names_ must stop,” Peter blushed. 

* * *

 

Since Wade’s boxes had been shut out while he was talking with Stark, they observed Harry Osborn, the most recent guy they’d tried to convince Wade to unalive. 

 _Not the brightest highlighter in the box_ , commented White. 

 _Makeup highlighter or notetaking highlighter?_ asked Yellow, intrigued. 

_Both.  Glitter neon everywhere.  Like a Lisa Frank collection._

_So rainbow glitter neon?_

_Yes!  Wait, what’s he doing?_

Harry, in his cell, was laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've started to compile a playlist for this fic! It's on Spotify, and this is the link:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/22yaazbikjbu3rdnjz7ujvqgy/playlist/5rHcUJG1OJmSEoYdBKz3SV
> 
> It has two versions of Bedlam Boys on it (no one in their right minds would play all 27 verses lol) and some other songs that helped me motivate myself/get in the mood for this fic. 
> 
> I'm trying to stay ahead of the game with writing, but for some reason these chapters are giving me a little trouble. I'm going to attempt smut for the first time in this fic and I think that the pressure is getting to me a bit about it, despite the storyline having it a little farther down the line. Any thoughts on that? Also, I'm totally going to introduce characters that come from the Deadpool side of things soon. (Probably Weasel, maybe Domino or Cable, and definitely someone else I have in mind!)


	11. Serious Conversation(TM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter have a talk, and Harry teams up with Doc Oc to get revenge on a not-so-itsy-bitsy-spider.

**_Of thirty years have I_ **

**_Twice twenty been enraged_ **

**_And of forty been three times fifteen_ **

**_In durance soundly caged_ **

The fact of the matter was that Peter had never had any relationships with guys before.  Gwen and MJ, he’d dated, but he’d noticed guys plenty.  There just hadn’t been one he was interested in romantically . . . until Wade.  So, while dating was simple enough, same as it might be with a girl like Gwen or MJ, it was vastly different in the physical sense. 

Or so Peter supposed, since they hadn’t really talked about it. 

They’d been dating for a couple of months now, and Wade had never pushed anything (which was both endearing and annoying, if Peter were to be honest).  They’d kissed, they’d cuddled, they’d flirted, but there wasn’t much else to define their relationship as any more than platonic.  Yes, Peter was aware Wade found him attractive, and he found Wade attractive.  So it became a bit of a mission, the next time they were hanging out at Wade’s apartment. 

“I’m going to attempt to be a mature adult and talk about something we’ve been avoiding,” Peter said, and though Wade tensed, he nodded. 

“Yes, my darling spider?”

“Why haven’t we done much physically, yet?  I’m not complaining.  You’re awesome, really.  I just . . . don’t know how to start with you.  Never had a boyfriend before and all.”  Wade gaped. 

“I thought _you_ would want to go slow, see, me being your first boyfriend.  Yeah, we should talk about it,” Wade sat cross-legged on the couch. 

“Do _you_ have experience with guys?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah, I’ve tried a little bit of everything there is.”

“Okay.  Can we keep the cuddling and such, but . . . more?”

“Heavy petting?”

“That.  Nothing fully . . .” Peter blushed, “Penetrative yet.”

“Not a good enough reason to use the word ‘penetrate’,” Wade quoted, and Peter rolled his eyes. 

“I think that’s the only reason to use it.  You know what I mean.”

“I know, I just couldn’t resist.  Fat Amy is my spirit animal.  Seriously, though, go on.”

“Anyway.  Just . . . can we . . . touch each other, at least?  Hands above the waist for now, then work our way down in regards to bare skin?”

“Perfectly fine by me,” grinned Wade, wiggling his eyebrows.  “As long as you don’t mind me getting into it.  Can’t really help a boner with someone like you with me.”  Peter laughed a little. 

“I’ll be right there with you.  I just don’t want to rush into things . . . I did that with a girlfriend, though not physically, and we crashed and burned as a couple.” 

“Got it!” Wade nodded dutifully, “So . . .”

“Yes?”

“So . . . how’s about making out with some light groping?  That all right?”

Peter laughed. 

“Yes, please.”

They started kissing, and Wade parted his lips to nip gently at Peter’s after a few moments. 

Heat bubbled up through Peter’s stomach as he took in Wade’s taste—something like apple cider, but deep and smoky.  Their tongues met, mapping each other out, finding each other. 

Wade’s fingers pulled at Peter’s hair, and Peter hummed into Wade’s mouth.  Peter gasped for air before mouthing on Wade’s jaw.  The merc panted. 

“I think that this is going to be amazing,” he said, smiling. 

* * *

“See you after knitting club?”

“Yeah,” Wade grinned, “I’m going to make us matching Spidey and Deadpool things for wintertime.  Earmuffs and stuff for when it gets cold.  Maybe a web-patterned scarf.  You know,” he waved as he headed to the café. 

Peter blew a kiss and started heading home.  He was still giddy from the time they’d been together, so much so that he was dizzy.  He didn’t even notice anything was wrong until he tripped and fell, and a smirking face was the last thing he saw. 

* * *

“Whasgoinon,” Peter tried to speak, but he was still fuzzy from whatever knocked him out. 

“Ah, the spider’s awake,” why the hell was Doc Oc there?

“Hey, Peter,” said Harry, grinning maliciously.  Peter shook himself. 

“What?!”  Peter struggled, glancing around.  They were in a darkened lab, clearly part of Oscorp judging by some of the tech. 

“Did you think that the venom was the only thing in that little cocktail, Peter?  Imagine my surprise.  I had a nanobot tracker in there, along with some highly interesting chemicals that would intensify the reaction from the venom—once I activated them, of course.  The structure is just reactive enough that all I needed to do was blast you with a little green.  And some chloroform to be able to drag you back here and pin you down.  Tell me, doc, what sort of experiments can we run on the spider?”

“First, some genetic samples would be prudent, before we see the mutations spread.”

“And here I thought it was just bad supervillainy, kidnapping me to give me more powers,” Peter said dryly.  _God, hopefully someone notices I’m gone quickly.  Wade will—Wade will know something’s up if I’m not back._

“An unfortunate reality.  One step forward, two steps back and all—for you,” the doctor said, his limbs fiddling with different medical instruments. 

“We won’t need to put you under, will we?” Harry said, “You’re a good patient.  Always have been a better person than me, huh Peter?  Always getting the girl, saving the day.”

“FYI, I got the _guy_ , Harry.  And he’s great.  You were the one that had everything, then dropped it all, if you’re going to throw this one on me.”

“Well, after we’re done, I’m not sure your _guy_ will be too interested.  What are the projected mutations, Doctor?”

“Ocular distortion, increased dexterity, possible mental repercussions.  Not to mention the spider-traits that will no doubt come in over time as we operate and observe.”

“Operate?!” Peter tugged on his restraints, but they were too strong, and his hands were gloved up to the elbow, so webbing would do him no good. 

“Why yes, little spider,” the doctor grinned, “We have plenty in store for you.”

Peter was trapped.  Completely, utterly trapped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go. As you may have guessed by my tripping over words, this will be my first fic that will involve any sort of sex scene. It's planned, but not written yet, so I'm getting comfortable with characters (and making the two of them talk like adults, because the idea of miscommunication as the only relationship issue tends to bother me) talking about intimacy. 
> 
> Also, this story is totally unbetaed, I'm doing it all, so if there are any issues they are mine and I'd be happy to fix grammar/usage mistakes if people see them. I'm trying to keep ahead writing-wise so I won't go totally dark and not post anything when I have writer's block. Here's hoping I manage it. 
> 
> Toodles!


	12. Wilson and Widow Whale on Wretched Harry Osborn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin, by the end.

**_On the lordly lofts of Bedlam_ **

**_With stubble soft and dainty,_ **

**_Brave bracelets strong, sweet whips, ding-dong,_ **

**_With wholesome hunger plenty._ **

“May, have you heard from Peter?  He hasn’t called me and I’m getting worried,” Wade admitted. 

“No.  I thought he might have called you?  I mean, usually, if something’s trouble, he’d get you or one of the Avengers to help, right?”

“Right.”  The merc frowned. 

_Maybe he just didn’t want to see you._

_But Peter always wants us!_

_…Does he?_

_If not us, he’d at least tell May._

_Peter could be in danger._

_We’ve got to find him._

Wade pulled up a number he didn’t think he’d ever call. 

“Hey Barton.  Mind helping a little Merc out here?  I think Peter might have been kidnapped.”

* * *

 

“How.” demanded Stark, “You are literally not killable.  How did you get my intern kidnapped?”

“I wasn’t _with_ him.  We were going to meet up after my knitting club, and he’s not answering his phone.  You _know_ he answers his phone.  Can you track it?”

“Are you sure he just doesn’t want to talk to you?” asked Barton.  Captain America glared at him. 

“What?  I don’t always want to talk to people.  It’s a thing.  I deliberately take out my hearing aids sometimes not to deal with people.”

“For half a day?” Wade challenged.

“Yes,” the archer growled back. 

_We could remove your ears if you like._

_Yeah, then you’ll never have to worry about people talking to you again._

“I’m worried.  And I tried Peter’s other, normalish friends.  What, I wouldn’t just come straight to the Avengers for this.  I waited.  I talked to his aunt.  I talked to his friends.  And now I’m here.  No one knows where he is, and they were already worried.  So, you were the next on the list, not the first in a bout of hysteria.”

“For us to fix your problems, when Peter’s in trouble because of you?” asked Stark. 

“Why would he be in trouble because of me?  The only people he’s publicly affiliated with are you guys, Spider-Man, formerly the Bugle and—“  His eyes darkened. 

“Osborn.  Harry, the one who attacked Spider-Man.  He broke out of SHIELD before, right?  Is he out again?  He came after Peter before.”  Which was not strictly true, but he hadn’t hidden his animosity for Peter Parker.  Semantics. 

“Shit,” Barton said eloquently. 

“Yeah, shit,” Wade snapped, “Now I need help saving him, and you’re the official channels for supervillains, so what do you think?”

“We should call Spider-Man while we track Peter,” decided Captain, and no, that would not be a good idea, no sir. 

“Why?” he asked instead. 

“He’s familiar with the Goblin.  We aren’t.”

“No one’s familiar with this Goblin.  The previous one was Norman, and this one took over only in the time it took to paralyze Spider-Man and inject him with the venom.”

“He’s right,” admitted Stark, “Still, I’d like to get in contact if I can.  Gave him a communicator and all.”  While that part failed, they tracked Peter’s phone. 

“Damn, Osborn is smart,” Stark cursed a few more times, very colorfully and creatively, before finding Peter’s location. 

“Any luck with the Spider-Man call?” asked Bruce. 

“Nothing.  You know what?  Let’s all go, but Thor and Bruce hang back in case the area’s highly populated.” 

“And if it is deemed safe for us, we will descend on the foe,” agreed Thor, “For no one should harm young Parker.”

“Indeed,” Cap nodded, and well Wade was _indeed_ glad he’d never been a Nazi facing all of that ‘Murica wrath. 

* * *

 

They managed to get to the warehouse (Wade didn’t stop and comment on the total cliché, he really didn’t) that held the labs.  A dude with metal tentacles greeted them at the door.

“I don’t suppose you know the whereabouts of one Peter Parker?” Wade asked, unsheathing his katanas. 

“Hm, Parker?  Osborn is conducting my experiments on him as we speak.  I don’t suppose you’re trying to get him out of here, are you?” 

Stark blasted him down immediately. 

“Romanoff, Wilson, you go find Peter.  We’ll handle this clown,” assured the Captain.

“Aye-aye,” Wade said, swinging his katana through a drone that had busted out of the corridor to his left. 

“Drones are probably protecting their lab,” Widow noted. 

“And where we find the lab, we find Peter.” 

It was surprisingly pleasant working with Romanoff.  She was fairly silent, letting him rant aimlessly as they both cut their way through the little robot swarm that was getting thicker and thicker as they went. 

“If his motif hadn’t been the whole octopus thing, I would have thought Spider-man had gone rogue,” he quipped, “But seriously, the gimmicks of his villains are so plain.  Sandman.  Lizardman.  Doctor Octo here.  Even the Goblin’s kinda the Joker from a different franchise, well at least the way the writer did it, and that’s fine because did you see the Deathmatch of Domino and me versus Joker and Harley?  We totally killed it.  Not literally.  That was a random actor, not actually me.”

“You two had better leave,” replied a new voice.  It was Osborn. 

“I’ll take one Peter and go.  No I do not want fries with that,” Wade replied. 

“You escaped SHIELD custody twice, kid.  We won’t even bother bringing you in nicely, this time.”  Widow readied her bites.  

“Ooh, Black Widow, great, now we have two spiders to squash, along with a roach.”

“Heh, apt, I don’t die,” Wade grinned, “And goblins are made up, so what does that tell you?”

“Two spiders?” Natasha asked. 

Rather than answer, Osborn threw grenades at them, which, really, someone needed to do their research on why it was NOT okay to kidnap Deadpool's significant others.  Wade caught both bombs and told Widow to go for it.  He held the grenades tight, away from his body to minimize damage.  They blew off his hands  _dammit I'll have baby hands again_ but that was it.  Wade grunted and kicked the machine that was locking Peter to the examination table.  

Natasha got in the next hit with her Widow Bites straight to the gut while Wade took Peter from the medical table and hauled him over his shoulder. She kicked Osborn in the head for good measure, knocking him out and dragging him away.  She nodded at Wade, but he was more focused on Peter, who was out cold.  

“You’re gonna be all right, baby boy, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there was no leaving Peter to suffer for too long. Or rather, most of the suffering is off screen thus far. I've still got 15 chapters to go. Do you guys have any preferences on things you want to see happen? I've got plenty of wiggle room to do actual plot even at this stage. 
> 
> I've realized this is basically a romcom with superheroes because I still can't write action or angst for crap, both of which seem to be necessary in order to have a proper Marvel hero. That and coming back from the dead, which Wade can do at any time he likes. 
> 
> Also, fuck alliterating titles, that's hard. How did you do all those names, Stan Lee, and not repeat them ten billion times or make it sound like a Dr. Seuss comic?


	13. Time for a New Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter recovers and admits he's Spider-Man to the Avengers.

**_When I short have shorn my sour face_ **

**_And swigged my horny barrel_ **

**_In an oaken inn, I pound my skin_ **

**_As a suit of gilt apparel._ **

His fingers ached—all of his joints did.  There was something wrong with his teeth, too, and he had a headache at the back of his eyes like the kind after he'd spent all night working on a paper. 

He groaned, blinking groggily at the ceiling of what appeared to be the Avengers infirmary. 

“Peter?” asked Wade’s voice from his left.  His hands were bandaged, and looked smaller than Peter remembered, but otherwise seemed okay. 

“Hi,” Peter croaked.  Wade crouched at his bedside. 

“You’re alright? Ugh, you can’t do that to me, Peter, you can’t.”

“It’s not like I asked Harry to kidnap me.”

“There has to be some way for things to be safer, Peter.  You were walking like normal, and genderbent steampunk Ursula and daddy’s little monster got you.  I think it might be a good idea to tell the Avengers about your arachnid issues.”

“I’ve been keeping this secret for years, Wade.  I was in this when I was sixteen—I don’t think they’ll appreciate that.”

“They like Peter.  They like Spidey.  Is it so hard to imagine they’ll be fine with both at once?”

“It’s not that I think they won’t like me,” Peter mumbled.  “It’s that they’ll forget that Spider-man is capable when goofy Peter Parker turns out to be him.  Especially after these kidnappings.”

Wade scoffed. 

“Peter, you know for a fact that I don’t think that at all of you.  I’ll be your damsel in distress any day.  Lois Lane or Rapunzel or whatever.  I can pull off a dress,” he grinned.  Peter rolled his eyes. 

“What even happened?  How did you guys find me?  I know they experimented on me; I just don’t know with what.”

“Stark tracked your phone when calling Spidey proved terrible.”

“You got Tony to help you?”

“All of the main Avengers, actually.  You’re not the only spider I’m good at fighting with.”

“Seriously.  You and Natasha broke me out?”

“Of course!  Once I convinced them it was serious, they went for it.”

“You had to convince them?”

“If you’ll remember correctly, sweetums, I’m not the most likeable hero-type to the general populace.”

“Which I’ll never understand.  Honestly, Wade, you’ve been doing so well lately—have you thought about asking them if you can join up?”

“First-mate-Frozone especially doesn’t appreciate me, but I’d be happy to try for you.  Then we could work together, too!  And I’d have an excuse to just take you out to lunch at random.  I’m seeing fewer downsides by the minute, baby boy.”  Peter blushed. 

“And since I’m the official Avengers photographer, I could sneak pictures of you on dates.  It’s a step up from taking selfies for cash,” he joked. 

“Maybe you should tell them about yourself, Peter.  That would save a lot of excuses about the beef with Osborn and such.  Plus, if they interrogate the bozos long enough, they might find out on their own.”

“Right,” Peter sighed.  “I’m just so _used_ to being the only one who knew.  Even with you, it was crazy to think—that somehow I could have this.”  A stable relationship, one without lies.  A kind guy who, despite his odd humor and occasional childishness, was still more experienced with life and more mature than Peter.  Someone he didn’t have to take care of—who was his equal. 

Peter leaned over and kissed his boyfriend. 

“Excellent.  Wonderful turn of events.  Ten out of ten,” Wade grinned.  “Now—are you going to tell your coworkers about your side job with them?  Eventually?”  Peter sighed, exasperated.

“Yes, Wade, I will tell my coworkers about my secret identity.  Go call them.  It’s been a long time coming.”

* * *

 

Peter spied on Wade’s conversation with Tony and Bruce by asking JARVIS to pull up security. 

“Well, why can’t we take his vitals?” asked Tony.  Bruce simply frowned, concerned. 

“He doesn’t want you guys to worry.  He needs to explain some stuff first, and then he’ll probably need some time to recover, and _then_ you can poke and prod my boyfriend in the name of science.  He wants all of the Avengers he knows personally to get their butts down here and talk with him.” 

“And why isn’t he telling us this?” asked Bruce. 

“He was sleeping,” Wade shrugged, “I figure he’ll be awake by the time you gather everyone into the infirmary.”

Stark eyed him, but shrugged. 

“I’ll call everyone down.  For Peter, they’ll come.  We’ve practically adopted him, despite Pepper saying we can’t, adult and all.”

* * *

 

“What’s wrong, Peter?” asked Steve, concerned. 

“Well, you’re all here because I’ve been keeping something from you that I, uh, well, want to tell you now.  It’s a secret I’ve only ever told two people, so I’m kinda freaking out.”

“You don’t have to tell us,” Bruce said, assuring, and Sam nodded, but Clint pouted. 

“He can’t tell us he has a secret and then _not tell us the secret_ , guys.”

“Agreed, Bird Brain Number One,” Tony nodded solemnly. 

“If he’s uncomfortable he can,” Sam replied. 

“No, no, I want to, it’s just hard,” Peter said.  The conversation was really getting away from him. 

“I hate to tell you this, Peter, but I kind of know you’re attracted to men, on account of your boyfriend,” Natasha gestured to Wade, who was trying very hard not to laugh. 

“It’s not that!” Peter exclaimed, frustrated. 

“I think we ought to stop speaking,” said Thor, “Or we will never hear what young Parker is trying to share.”  Everyone in the room calmed down and looked at Peter expectantly. 

“Right, thanks,” chuckled Peter quietly, “This is intimidating.  So.  Um.  I’m Spider-Man.”  He spread his hands in a sort of _ta-da_! gesture. 

“Seriously?” Tony said, eyebrow crawling up his forehead, “No offense, Peter, but that’s kinda hard to believe.”

“It’s really not,” Peter said, “No one else could take those pictures of Spider-Man, remember?  But I could.  I set up cameras around the city at first, then got creative with my webbing.  I got paid by Jameson to take selfies, which was kind of a plus for the job from hell.  I knew Harry wasn’t supposed to be out and about the first time he broke out of SHIELD because I was Spider-Man.  Plus, well,” he shot webbing up at the ceiling. 

Their eyes widened. 

“My baby boy’s a superhero,” Wade cried dramatically, and Peter rolled his eyes. 

“You knew this, Wade.  Don’t act like you didn’t.”

“You deserve a raise,” Tony decided, “From the pockets of SHIELD for the Avenger bit.  But until you’re _fully_ recovered, and we know what that whackjob did to you, no Avengering.  We need you well if you’re going to be on my payroll and Agent Agent’s.”

“What?”

“SHIELD pays the Avengers a bit, though I provide accommodations mostly.  I’m not Rapunzel in the tower over here—everyone’s welcome to stay so long as they don’t steal my coffee.  So I can set up an apartment for you if you like—should it be spider-themed, or would you rather have some non-spider memorabilia?”

“I’m not moving out of my place quite yet, Tony,” Peter blushed at the generosity, “Let me heal up before I make that decision, okay?”

“Will do,” Tony nodded, but his eyes were alight with mischief.  Peter sighed. 

“You’re going to have the room ready anyway, aren’t you?”

“Absolutely.”

"And you're coming up with upgrades to my suit and such too?"

"You bet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while! Hopefully I'll finish sometime before school starts.


	14. Widow Recruiting, Spider-Man Smooching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade gets a job, and hangs out with Peter, MJ, and Gwen.

**_The moon's my constant mistress,_ **

**_And the lonely owl my marrow;_ **

**_The flaming drake and the night crow make_ **

**_Me music to my sorrow._ **

“Wilson!” Romanoff called.  Wade kept walking, assuming she was talking to Falcon. 

“Deadpool!” she said, same volume and tone.  Wade turned. 

“Yeah?”

“You’ve really cleaned up your act for him,” she said bluntly.  He swallowed. 

“Yeah.  I have.  I’ve tried.”

“I’ve done the same thing for mine,” she said, glancing back behind her where the team was heading out of medical.  Wade frowned. 

“Yours?”

“He’s like a puppy,” she smiled, “So earnest and good, despite the crap that’s been handed to him.  Innocent despite everything, in essence if not literally.  But dangerous as hell to anyone who says anything about you?”

“That is scary accurate.”

“That’s Clint for me.”

“You and Barton?” Wade raised his eyebrows.  The guy seemed a bit too outgoing and brash for the former Red Room operative. 

“And Agent Coulson, when you get past the desert-dry wit,” she said, amused. 

“Two-for-one special?” Wade quipped. 

“More or less.  But before SHIELD, before either of them?  I was ruthless.  The others have been hard on you, but we often forget—every single one of us has our own kind of blood on our hands.  Now so many little girls want to be me, and women talk about me as a feminist icon on social media, but I’m still the one named after a deadly spider for a reason.  We’re all dangerous, and your particular brand of crazy really isn’t all that different from the rest of us.  With Peter around, you certainly have changed.”

“You think so?” Wade smiled, amused.  _Me, the good guy?  Now that’s the biggest con I’ve managed.  And by accident, too._

“And it’s not a matter of fooling anyone.  There’s a difference between an act and real change.  I, of all people, know the tells.”  Ah, ever the almost-mind-reader operative. 

“Where are you going with this, exactly?”

“I’m asking you if you want to become a SHIELD operative, pending Avenger status.”  Wade gaped. 

“Um, seriously?”

“Seriously.  I’ll vouch for you myself.  I saw how you were when we were getting Peter back.  SHIELD could definitely use someone as efficient and, ah, durable as you.  I’d trust you on a mission with me, and Clint would certainly love to play video games in motels with you while we wait on assignments to pan out.”

“Not too sure about playing with Katniss, but I certainly wouldn’t mind the job.  Haven’t gotten too many offers recently that weren’t for hitman work, and I don’t do that anymore.  Which, by the way, means I’m not killing people for SHIELD either.  No more attack dog Wade Wilson.”

“That can be arranged,” she assured. “Stop by SHIELD HQ tomorrow.  I’ll take you to a meeting with Clint, Coulson, Fury, Hill, and I, and we can all do the paperwork.”

* * *

 

Mary Jane giggled with excitement.  Wade liked her and Gwen—they were super nice, and in the actual canon had been good girlfriends to Pete.  Meanwhile, they were great friends, visiting him in the hospital. They brought coffee, a la their usual meet ups included caffene. 

“Have you checked out the Avengers pages recently?” Wade asked. 

“No, why?” Gwen immediately pulled out her phone to look. 

“Photo credits to Peter Parker,” Wade grinned as she pulled up the Avengers’ public profiles. 

“Petey, you didn’t tell us you’d finished it!” MJ gasped, “These are gorgeous!  Mm, I could stare at Hawkeye’s biceps all day,” she grinned.  Peter rolled his eyes. 

“Right, sure.”

“Seriously, though, you get such amazing shots of them.  I mean, every angle, just the right moment—you’re really talented with high-action, Peter,” Gwen said, pointing out the album of Iron Man soaring through New York. 

“Somebody had to fix that page,” Peter shrugged, “It was a random disaster with blurry cell phone stuff and a bunch of selfies from Clint and Tony.  I had to stop them somehow.”

“It’s amazing, Peter,” Wade enthused, and Peter blushed.  “And I have some news, too—Natasha recruited me for SHIELD and potential Avengers duty, so I ask that you get my good side when you make my official album, and include the way this suit makes my ass look.  Spare no details.” 

Peter blushed, and Wade kissed him for it, opting not to take too long with it with others in the room. 

“Please, don’t stop on our accounts,” MJ chuckled, and Wade cursed.  _It’s so easy to get lost in him._

_And so hard to will away a boner when you’re all wrapped around him._

_Hehe, hard._

“Mine,” Wade said, and inwardly winced.  He always tried to keep that possessive, constantly provoked and provoking side down, but apparently Peter wasn’t offended.  He just blushed more, the red crawling down his neck. 

“Yours,” he replied, and the girls giggled. 

“Peter’s not cleared for physical activity,” Gwen warned, “I heard the nurse.  But we’ll leave you two alone, ’kay?”

“Gotcha.”

“Well, nothing too physical, but at least you can still kiss it better?” Peter asked tentatively.  Wade paused. 

“Was that a pick up line, my dear spider?”

“Yes?”

“Then absolutely I will kiss it better.”  Wade leaned down, pressing his lips to Peter’s.  Fingers clasped themselves behind Wade’s neck, and Peter leaned up to press harder, swiping his tongue across Wade’s.  His mouth was addicting, sending a warm, dreamy, light feeling in Wade’s stomach that he hadn’t felt since his first kiss that meant something. 

The merc opened his mouth, welcoming Peter in, lost in the warmth of his boyfriend who he loved. 

_Who he loved._

“I love you,” he gasped, pulling back.  Peter’s eyes lit up, opening wider. 

“I love you, too.”

_Who loved him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, editing this one was hard for some reason. Probably because stretching out Nat's and Wade's conversation wasn't working. Also ClintxNatxCoulson could indeed be a relationship I write about if I ever get to it, but I threw them in here because I think they'd be adorable. (Though my OT3 will be Stuckony forever)
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to figure out the plan for the final act of the story. Here's hoping I make it interesting!


	15. No More Silent Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is free from the hospital, but on leave for superheroing. That's okay, he has something important to do.

**_The spirits white as lightening_ **

**_Would on my travels guide me_ **

**_The stars would shake and the moon would quake_ **

**_Whenever they espied me._ **

“Mr. Parker, you’re free to go,” the nurse said, “Just sign out with the medical desk.  No rigorous physical activity for two weeks, and then Doctor Banner wants to talk to you about further recovery and study based off of the experimentation done on you.”  Peter smiled, mentally shouting _Finally!_   The four days of doing nothing had been maddening. 

It was nice to get out of the infirmary. 

“I’m going to head to my Aunt’s, then I’ll call to talk about the experiments, Bruce,” Peter assured. 

“Don’t worry about it for two weeks,” Bruce waved, “Unless something unusual happens, we want you to rest anyway.  That means no swinging around until we know more.”

After all, Peter didn’t plan on doing too much today—he only had one obligation to keep. 

“Wade, would you come with me?  There’s some stuff I have to do today.”

* * *

 

It was the anniversary of Ben’s death.  Peter still sometimes wondered how many ways it could have been changed—how many ways he could have stopped it—but it didn’t really matter in the end. 

“He and May were more my parents than I can even said mine were.  They were always gone on SHIELD missions or research expeditions.  When Ben died . . . it hurt more.  And I could have stopped it, but—“

“Nope.  No coulda, woulda, shoulda,” Wade said, tightening his grip on Peter’s hand, “It’s the past.  You know blaming yourself just piles extra suffering on the grief.  It doesn’t make anything better.”

“But—“

“It isn’t your responsibility to know the future, Peter, and to plan for every outcome,” Wade said.  “No one can do that shit.  It doesn’t work.  Your uncle’s got to be proud of you, huh?  You’re a hero.”

“I guess,” Peter smiled.  Wade always managed to lighten his load a little when it came to the heavy things without lessening their meaning. 

* * *

 

“Ben would be delighted, you know,” May said, handing Wade some silverware to set the table. 

“What do you mean?”

Peter would later admit he was eavesdropping, but at the moment, he was meant to be getting the breadsticks and movies from the car while Wade and May worked on the pasta. 

“You’re good for Peter.  Ben was like a father to him, you know, and though we’d never be able to replace his parents . . . well, Ben and I tried our best.”

“I’m not exactly perfect, Mrs. Parker.  I’ve done terrible things,” Wade said, unabashed. 

“I know,” she replied, “I knew that very shortly after Nora introduced us.  She told me about Ellie.” 

Peter frowned.  Who was Ellie?

“Then you know that I’m not exactly the guy to bring home to meet the parents, literal or in spirit aside.”  Peter wanted to protest, but May did it for him. 

“See, this is why Ben would like you—you don’t pretend to be perfect when you’re not.  You’re real about your mistakes, your shortcomings.  Though he might give you a kick in the pants for downing yourself so much.  You’ve done good, too, Wade.”

“That doesn’t cancel out the evil.”

“And the evil doesn’t cancel out the good.  They’re just parts of you that you live with.”

Peter grinned and came in with the food. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you eavesdropping, young man,” Aunt May scolded him later, but during dinner it didn’t matter all that much. 

They visited Ben’s grave after dinner.  May paid her respects with Peter, and Peter lingered while she headed back to the car. 

“I never really understood the whole visiting graves thing,” Wade admitted, “Knowing they’re gone, talking to a stone . . . just feels a little pointless.”

Peter shrugged. 

“It’s his memorial.  Like, we don’t really forget he’s gone all the time, but I figure . . . it’s his place, specifically.  It’s where what’s left of him is.”

“But that’s not true,” Wade said, frustrated, “It’s the people he touched, like you, that he lives on in.  Not . . . this.”

“’Passing bells and sculpted angels, cold and monumental, seem for you the wrong companions. You were warm and gentle,’” Peter quoted.  Wade snorted. 

“You did not just quote that musical at me.”

“I did and I’m not taking it back.  Uncle Ben would have laughed.  It’s pretty much the only musical he knew.”

“Yeah, well, nothing accounting for taste,” shrugged the former mercenary. 

Peter laughed a little. 

“He liked it because it turned stereotypes on their heads, but ultimately left with the stereotype intact.”

“Like my movie,” Wade muttered, “How’d it turn stereotypes around, though?”

“Pretty much all of the appeal for the audience was the phantom, not the supposed good-guy Raoul.  And the bad guy had the higher voice, which turns things around too.  But the less attractive intellectual still didn’t get the girl—which, granted, he wasn’t really much of a relationship guy.  Still had a kid with her if the sequel is to be believed,” Peter explained. 

“Hm, sounds like us.  I lure in the pretty innocent despite being a murdering psychopath, and am overall more likeable anyway.  Don’t know what to do about the kid thing.  I don’t think May would appreciate random grandkids,” he chuckled sharply. Peter knew there was something odd in the lilt of the laughter, but he let it go just then.

“Maybe not yet,” Peter allowed. “I know it’s not your thing, but can I still talk to Ben?”

“Whatever you’ve got to do.”

“Okay.”  Peter knelt down, sighing. 

“Hey Ben.  I’ve got a boyfriend now.  Aunt May’s doing really well with Rebecca and Nora as friends.  I’m an Avenger now.  Can you believe it?  I was really surprised when they asked.  I’m finally doing like you said—Great power, great responsibility and all.  I miss you.”

Wade knelt down by Peter. 

“Hi, Mr. Parker. . . if you’re listening, wherever.  I’m trying my best to be good for Peter here, since he’s so good to me.  You did right by him and May.  I’ll do my best to earn being a part of your family, too.”

Peter embraced Wade tightly, crying into his chest a little as they stood up.  Wade just hugged back, giving Peter all the time he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I a Phantom of the Opera fan? Yes. Love Never Dies isn't as good, but it's still decent. I may or may not need to write a quick spideypool Phantom fic at some point now. 
> 
> I'm holding off on the whole effects of the experimentation because Peter needs to recover. He does have a slight healing factor, which allows him to be mobile, but no way is he even beating up robbers at this stage. 
> 
> Also, thinking of doing art for this fic--maybe one piece per chapter, but that won't be until much later. 
> 
> This is totally unbetaed, and every mistake is mine, so feel free to point them out and I'll do my best to fix things.


	16. The Lens is the Window to the Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade explains a bit of this version's origin story to Peter, and Peter has to do an Avengers photoshoot. Wade appreciates the thought Peter puts into it.

**_And then that I'll be murdering_ **

**_The Man in the Moon to the powder_ **

**_His staff I'll break, his dog I'll shake_ **

**_And there'll howl no demon louder._ **

Peter was cute when he was grumpy.  Not being allowed in the field made Wade’s boyfriend a bit like a cat, irritable. 

“Why _not_?” he muttered. 

“We still don’t know what those experiments did to you,” apologized Bruce, not sounding very apologetic, “But we have to wait for your injuries to heal before we do any testing, or you could suffer more damage.  Your ribs especially were badly bruised.  Be thankful we’re not keeping you locked up in the hospital.”

“But you _are_ keeping me off-duty just because I might go splat?”

“Afraid so,” Banner nodded. 

_He’s like Grumpy Cat.  That face, I just want to smush it and make kissy noises._

It was date night, though, so Peter couldn’t get too mad about having nothing to do. 

“Wade?” he asked, “Would you mind telling me about yourself?  Like, I know the events objectively, but, could you tell me about your life?”

“It’s not a pretty picture.  And I don’t think I can get to everything in one sitting,” Wade shook his head, mind racing.  _God, he’ll know how bad it was._

“That’s fine—we can get through it all at some point.  It may not make me happy, but it brought you here, one way or another,” Peter argued, and Wade sighed.

“Monologue-flashback time!”

* * *

 

_Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Wade Winston Wilson.  He was Canadian and was not, in any way, shape, or form, a bad kid.  He came from a bad home, but he did the right things, followed the rules, and listened to his mom._

_When he grew up, he joined the army.  He was dishonorably discharged because he was an asshole, and because his commanding officer had been a huge dick.  The two unsurprisingly didn’t get along._

_Wade went home and became a mercenary, a hitman with a heart of gold.  He killed or roughed up whoever.  He fell in love with Vanessa, a hooker, also with a heart of gold, and had a funny and slightly dumb friend in Weasel, who worked at the bar he often got jobs at._

_Wade dated Vanessa for a while before finding out he was diagnosed with cancer, which was tragic, so in comes the creepy suit that offers to cure him.  And he does it, and he gets locked up._

_But yeah, you’ve seen the plot of the Deadpool movie, so you know he goes on a killing spree in revenge against Francis, only in this universe Vanessa doesn’t make it, so Wade continues to be a killing mercenary who just won’t die._

_He’s had a couple of trysts, a few interesting friends, and no one has managed to kill him permanently yet.  This goes on for a few years.  Suddenly, a wild Spider-man appears.  He uses Puppy Eyes.  It’s super-effective, and Wade falls in love with Peter._

* * *

Of course, Peter wasn’t all that happy with the events of his boyfriend’s life.  Wade was impressed at the sorrow Peter felt on his behalf. 

“I’m sorry about Vanessa,” Peter said, and Wade shrugged.  He’d more or less moved on. 

“It probably wouldn’t have worked out permanently between us, given the comics.”

“What?”

“My life is complicated,” Wade surmised, and Peter smiled. 

“That, we have in common.  Though I think you win the prize for most trauma.”

“Heh, Vanessa and I used to play that game, and she always won.”

“I was joking.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Let’s not try to win that game,” Peter suggested, clutching Wade’s hands tighter.  “Maybe a game of how long we can keep kissing one another?”

“ _Now_ you’re talking,” Wade grinned, kissing Peter.  Wade gasped at the heat Peter attacked his mouth with, groaning as the younger man sucked Wade’s tongue into his mouth, inviting.  The former merc ran his hands through Peter’s hair, breath dragging through his lungs.  The air was humid, their motions languid with their heat. 

“Ah, Pete,” Wade groaned when Peter sucked a bruise into his neck, “We might want to slow this down for a sec, or it’s going to get uncomfortable.”  Peter pulled away with an adorable, bewildered look on his face when the hickey disappeared immediately. 

“I just,” Peter blushed, shifting his hips away.  Ah.

“No shame in being horny, babe,” Wade grinned.  _We’re certainly not complaining._

“Yeah, well, at first I was just being kinda possessive, thinking about all of the people that have hurt you.  Then it escalated.”

“Again, it’s fine, sweetheart,” Wade cooed, “This will still be the slowest I’ve gone in a relationship.  It’s actually kind of awesome, appreciating all the different little things.”

Peter smiled. 

“Wanna make out for a bit, then?”

“You don’t need to ask,” Wade replied. 

* * *

“I guess I just don’t understand,” shrugged the guy at the bar, “I mean, hell, I wouldn’t want to spend time with him any more than necessary.  Peter tensed, and Wade soothed him, rubbing his hands across the table.  He’d heard it all before. 

“Just, god, if that were contagious, I certainly wouldn’t want to deal,” the guy continued, and Peter snapped out loud. 

“We can hear you, you know.  And there’s nothing wrong with him, so I’d appreciate you drop the comments.”

“Look man, I just don’t want you getting sick.  It’s clear there’s _something._ ”

“It’s scarring.  It’s not hurting anyone.  I’m not about to let my boyfriend get insulted for being a survivor.”

“Of what?” scoffed the dude. 

“Gah, let’s just leave,” Wade insisted, rolling his eyes, “Douchenozzles like him don’t even matter, Peter.”  There was still fire in his boyfriend’s eyes, but they left. 

“You’re handsome, Wade.  You’re a fucking masterpiece, no matter what they say,” Peter said, voice straining like he was sure Wade wouldn’t believe him.  Well, he wasn’t wrong—Wade knew he wasn’t much to look at, at least by regular standards. 

“Yeah,” he said instead. 

* * *

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that Wade realized it mattered so much to Peter. 

“The Avengers and Avengers-adjacent heroes in costumes are going to have a calendar photoshoot.  Peter, you’re in charge.” That was apparently the message Pepper Potts had given Peter, and he’d gone all-out, designing each of the months carefully. 

Wade was impressed, yet again, with the thought Peter’d put into it. 

The whole team was posed first for January—a huge spread that would also be the cover photo, with all of them in their combat uniforms, walking away from an explosion that Tony was more than happy to set off.  Then, everyone got an individual page.  Clint got February, standing on a shed painted red, shooting an arrow directly above the camera to get the subtle cupid vibe Peter wanted. 

Wade couldn’t help but ask if they had any spare uniforms that he could dye pink.  Clint was not amused. 

March was Bruce and the Hulk both—Peter took a photo first of the Hulk during one of the training sessions he’d been out for.  He’d managed to get the “green rage monster” to pose as if he were holding a person close to him.  He didn’t tell Bruce exactly why he’d done it, or why he’d posed Bruce so specifically on the blank set, but the effect was worth it—it showed, in the end, Bruce being hugged gently by his alter ego. 

(Yellow kept singing It Ain’t Easy Being Green while Wade watched Peter edit the photo together)

April was Wade, and Peter made sure that there was no question: Wade was beautiful in the shots, under an umbrella in the rain surrounded by Times Square.  He really was touched that his boyfriend put that much work into it, and astonished at the final product—it reminded him a little of before Weapon X. 

May was Thor, who gladly brought flowers and foliage from Asgard to arrange (Wade made the flower crown, Peter swears.  The plan was just a garden-looking thing with him laying back in the grass.  Wade distinctly recalls Peter asking him to make the crown).

June was Rhodey, who was more than happy to go flying in the Iron Patriot/War Machine piece that Tony had spruced up while Peter went swinging with his camera.  They went less than top speed, just enough so that Rhodey could open the faceplate and wink at the camera. 

July, no surprise, was Steve, but Peter asked him what he wanted to do for it. 

“I can’t not give you July, but this can be whatever.  I don’t have to vomit red-white-and-blue on a page.  You’re an artist; what do you want?”  Cap seemed surprised, but pleasantly so. 

“When I was really little, I think my ma told me the fireworks were for my birthday.  Maybe a sparkler?  Just an overall light-and-dark shot, without too much fanfare?” He shared some sketches, and Wade, being nosy, glanced over shoulders.  It was really messy, but whatever composition jargon Steve explained, Peter just nodded. 

“I can do that,” Peter nodded.  So he posed Steve in front of a brick wall that had a huge white star graffitied on it, handed him a sparkler, and just started taking pictures.  Wade did photobomb one of them wearing an I Heart Canada shirt with a huge maple leaf on it, but that only served to make Cap laugh and actually pose with him.  It made the official Avengers social media pages, at any rate. 

August was Tony, who was so comfortable with the camera and glamour shots that Peter had to tone him down a bit by making him work in the lab for a few hours before shooting.  Still, you couldn’t take the billionaire out of the playboy—and nope that was not what Wade meant, no mind in the gutter for once, but regardless.  

Sam was awesome for September because he just posed in a tree like a bird, wings and all.  It was amazing.  _Sammy and Clint r the best birbs,_ Wade posted on Twitter, showing a picture of Clint attempting to do the same perching and flailing as he fell. 

Peter picked himself for October, getting actual spiders set up among the webs he had set up.  He pulled half his mask up, hung from the ceiling, and gave a cheeky grin for the Halloween set.  Wade might have dumped a huge bucket of candy off on Peter’s bed after seeing it, just because.

Natasha made a beautiful November page, with a flowing black gown and looking over her shoulder as she leaned against a bare tree.  She smirked a little at the finished product, but even Wade knew there wasn’t a comment he could make that would really affect her. 

December was his favorite, though, because Peter had literally just had JARVIS record them at dinner together with fancy cameras.  He’d asked the Avengers to pretend it was the holidays, and that they would have dinner together, and then they’d take the pictures.  Little did anyone know, the cameras were hidden in the dining room, taking multiple stills. After dinner, Peter just took them to the living room and started a slideshow of the best ones he’d taken of everyone, including the dinner ones.  Wade would not admit one way or another, but some people (himself, Cap, Stark, Banner) had tears in their eyes. 

It was amazing to watch Peter work. 

“It’s cool how you transition from badass explosion to dinnertime,” Tony said, “But I think you missed a real opportunity to have Capsicle as Santa at the North Pole.”

“So you’d be the reindeer pulling the sleigh?” Wade asked. 

“Nope.  I’d be an elf that engineered the flight.”

“Well, you’re certainly short enough.”

“Dammit, Wilson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked on this chapter's summary and did some edits while listening to Dan the Bard's Worst Rebel Ever. Also Photographer!Peter needs a little more love, since that is his official source of income lol.
> 
> Again, if you haven't checked it out the playlist I did for this fic:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/22yaazbikjbu3rdnjz7ujvqgy/playlist/5rHcUJG1OJmSEoYdBKz3SV 
> 
> I listen to it whenever I'm writing/editing this one. :)


	17. Spider's Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's got some answers, from Bruce and for Gwen and MJ.

**_With a host of furious fancies,_ **

**_Whereof I am commander,_ **

**_With a burning spear and a horse of air_ **

**_To the wilderness I wander._ **

It was a week after the shoot that Bruce had the results from Peter’s physical examinations. 

“Essentially, we’ve got a few extensions on existing abilities.  Agility, ability to create webs with a high tensile strength,” he gestured as if to say “and so on”. 

“So I’m extra-spider now?” Peter guessed, amused. 

“And,” Bruce continued, “There are glands behind your canines that I would like to scan more carefully.  There’s also an interesting change in your eyes.”

“All right,” Peter agreed, and they took a few deeper scans and x-rays. 

The glands had a venom in them, and, if Peter concentrated and bit down deep enough, secreted it.  Bruce analyzed the venom while Peter chuckled. 

“Just figures, huh,” he said, and Wade shrugged, sitting in one of the chairs off to the side in the lab.

“Frankly, Peter, I think it’s cool.  Means you can defend yourself even better.”

“What’s the eye thing, doc?” Peter asked after they’d done the exams again.  He had to blink the spots out of his eyes after seeing so many lights. 

“Spiders have terrible eyesight, but they make up for it with incredible senses of touch.  I think you might just need contacts in order to see properly.”

“Oh, good, it’s not spidey sense,” Peter sighed. 

“What?”

“I can occasionally sense when a projectile is headed my way, or if a dangerous situation is about to happen.  It’s why I haven’t been burned in a lab accident here yet,” he said, thinking about the many chemical reactions and flying debris from many of Tony’s projects. 

“Hm.  Close your eyes a moment.”  Peter nodded, and sensed something coming at him.  He caught the ball of paper sent his way without opening his eyes. 

“The Force is strong in this one!” praised Wade.  Peter snorted. 

“It’s not usually that specific.  Like, I’ll know something’s coming so I’ll move.”

“Indeed.  That sounds like the extra spider venom merely enhanced your existing abilities—barring your sight.  Have you been struggling to read anything?  Any sight issues at all?”

“Nope,” Peter shrugged. 

“That’s the avocado’s shtick,” Wade stage-whispered, and the two scientists ignored the outburst. 

“I had a bad headache when I woke up,” Peter recalled, “Right behind the eyes.”

Bruce examined the X-rays closely. 

“There is an anomaly there.  Hm . . .  It almost looks like . . .” Bruce frowned. 

“I’m going to have to do some more tests.  You’re cleared for lower level duty, but let me know immediately if something goes wrong.”

* * *

 

The calendar images, once released, went viral. 

“Dude,” Peter showed Gwen, Flash, and MJ when he’d met up with them while Wade was at knitting club.  “I mean, I was pretty proud of them, but come on!”

“Which one was your favorite to do?  Besides Wade, of course,” smirked MJ. 

“Bruce with the Hulk.  Honestly, it was great to edit them together.  I think he appreciated it more than he let on.  Hulk liked seeing it too.”

“Man, I can hardly believe you know the _Avengers_ by first name,” groaned Flash, “That’s just, impossible, okay?  I’d _kill_ to meet Spider-Man.”

“Somehow, I don’t think you would want to be a killer just to get caught by a superhero,” Gwen said, amused. 

“That’s not what I—whatever,” Flash grumbled, “Gotta head home and feed my dog.  Later, Parker, MJ, Gwen.” 

It was then that things went to hell, because apparently Sandman was interested in causing as much havoc as possible. 

“Get down, guys, I’ll call for help,” Peter said, and MJ frowned. 

“You’d better not be taking pictures, Parker, or you’ll get hurt.”

“I’ll be careful.”

“If not by the Sandman, by me.”

“Noted.”

Peter ran up the fire escape nearby to get to the roof, changed, and started luring Sandman away from the more populated area. 

It wasn’t long before Iron Man joined him, since the destruction was kind of getting out of hand. 

“Yeah, I think repulsors might be a better angle against sand than webs,” Peter said, chuckling. 

“You know that thing you did with your boyfriend with the green acid blobs?” Tony asked, and Peter laughed. 

“Is that a tactical maneuver now?”

“Yes, because it works.  It keeps civilians out, too, which is a plus.  You keep the damage to a minimum; I’ll give him hell.”

“Sweet dreams, Sandy!” Peter called before following Tony’s directions.  It worked swimmingly, and Tony told Peter they’d probably want to use that sort of thing any time there were creatures-slash-villains that could break up and reform like that. 

“We’ll have you web up the perimeter with your artificial webbing, then have the more tactical people at the borders, and the more smash-thunder-blow-up-things people towards the center to do their destruction.  You can join in on the fun with your real webs and new powers then, since that’ll be more effective.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Peter said, and swung back to MJ and Gwen at the diner just outside the border he’d made.

“You need to hold still, ladies.  While Avengers are all up to supervillains, Spider-Man won’t be around for us small-towns anymore.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Peter said, webbing the robber to the wall, “Considering being friends with the Avengers makes my job a lot quicker.  Either of you have a phone?  Call the cops.  SHIELD is cleaning up the Sandman mess.  Are you okay?”  After they finished with the police, MJ turned to Peter. 

“We’re fine.  Have you seen Peter Parker?  The photographer?  He’s our friend and we’re worried,” Gwen asked.  Peter glanced around.  _The people I care about ought to know._

“I know where he is.  Mind coming with me?”

“How exactly?” MJ asked, and Peter grinned, webbing the two of them carefully so he could carry them while swinging to a rooftop.  Peter set them down gently and pulled off the webbing. 

“That was _amazing_ ,” Gwen gushed, “Flash would be so jealous.”

“Believe me, I know,” Peter grinned. 

“You know Flash?”

“Well, yeah.”  Peter took off his mask. 

They gaped. 

“Petey, you dog!” cried Wade, tumbling over as he failed leaping from one building to the next.  Peter gasped and rushed over to him. 

“You goof, be more careful!”

“ _Peter?_ ” Gwen asked, “You’re Spider-Man?”

“Yup,” Peter said, popping the “p”.  “Since the huge field trip to Oscorps a few years ago.  Experimental radioactive spider venom,” he explained. 

“But—god, Peter,” MJ rushed forward to hug him, “ _That’s_ why you’re always getting hurt.”

“And here I was going to be all sweet.  Guess what I finished with the club today, Peter-pan.”

“You didn’t,” Peter groaned as Wade pulled out a red-and-blue lump of yarn, which, upon closer inspection, was a few actually well-knitted things—red fingerless gloves with a web design, a matching pair of beanies (one Spidey, one Deadpool), slippers to match the gloves, and a black, red, blue, and grey scarf. 

“Wade,” Peter said in amazement, “How much of this is for me?”

“All of it, if you want it.  I know it’s getting colder out, and you still run patrols, so—“

“Gwen,” MJ whispered to the side, “I think I found my real life OTP.”

“I’m right there with you.  They’re so freaking cute.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, for now, bridging over to the final act/final 10 chapters. Here goes nothing!
> 
> Also Gwen is so me at the end there when reading the "Petey and Wade and other being punched in the face things" series lol


	18. Her Shining Knight in Spandex - also known as Dadpool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade introduces Peter to someone important.

**_By a knight of ghosts and shadows_ **

**_I summoned am to tourney_ **

**_Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end-_ **

**_Methinks it is no journey._ **

There were four knocks on the door, and then Nora barged in. 

“You know, people usually wait for someone to open up,” Wade grumbled. 

“I got a call today from Emily Preston,” she said, “About meeting with Ellie.  Are you going to make it this time, or are you going to be a sad-sack again because you have to say no when she asks to move in?”

“Geez, Nora, don’t hold anything back,” Wade sighed. 

“Ever since you moved away, Wade, you’ve had Preston call through me.  She’s a SHIELD agent—can’t you protect your daughter now better than ever?”

“Last time I went in with Cap and Logan, it didn’t exactly end well for Carm.  How can I be sure the same won’t happen to Ellie?  She’s just a kid.”

“She won’t be forever, though,” Nora replied, “And you’ll have to make a decision about whether you want to be her father or her dad.”

“When I become a real boy, maybe?” Wade chuckled. 

“What’s it going to take to convince you that you _are_?” she challenged. 

* * *

 

“Hey, Peter-peter-pumpkin-eater,” Wade said, pecking his boyfriend on the forehead, “Would you mind going with me on a bit of a weekend trip?”

“It’s Friday night, Wade.”

“Just this weekend, not until the next one,”

“I would have liked a little warning,” Peter sighed, “But yeah.  What should I bring?”

“Just comfy clothes.  There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Okay,” Peter said cautiously. 

“I didn’t tell you about her at first.  Honestly, Wolvie and Cap are the only ones that have heard she exists—she lives with a SHIELD agent to keep safe.”

“Who is she?” Wade sighed at Peter’s apprehension. 

“Probably the most important person to me in the world,” the merc admitted, “My daughter.  Ellie.  She knows all about you.”

“And I didn’t know she existed. But Steve and Logan do?”

“It was a fling of sorts,” Wade said, “Carmelita was in an experimental lockup.  She just wanted to feel good for a while—and I remembered Francis’s lockup, and gave her my best.  When . . . well, she ended up pregnant, and contacted me.  But the contact was traced, and everyone in the facility was killed before I could get there.  I thought Ellie was dead, too.  That’s why Cap and Claws know—they were looking through the facility with me.  I might have had a breakdown.”  Wade looked at the ground guiltily.  “I’m sorry, Peter.”

“I’m glad you’re honest with me now, but I would have appreciated it earlier on,” Peter said, “I didn’t know you had any living family.”

“Just her.  And I still hardly believe she’s mine, most days.”

“Why’s that?” 

“She’s so beautiful, Peter.”  The sad look on Peter’s face gave away what Wade knew—Peter had guessed that was the answer. 

They sat in silence on the train they took, then, when Wade was leading Peter through a suburban neighborhood, he talked again. 

“I used to think, god, I’ll never have a kid.  I’d fuck them up so badly.  But she’s this . . . this ray of light that I can’t look away from.  I’m terrified, every day, that I’m going to be gone, and someone will hurt her, or worse, that I’ll be there and be the one hurting her.  I know I’m doing better, but she . . . well, I’ll let her introduce herself.  She loves talking.”

And when they got to the little house, a woman opened the door for them. 

“Wade,” she chided, “You need to visit more.”

“Peter, this is Agent Emily Preston.  Emily, Peter Parker, my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Peter nodded, and Emily waved them in. 

“Daddy?” asked a small voice from the kitchen. 

“It’s me, Ellie, and I brought my boyfriend.”

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” he asked, and her smile lit up the room. 

“I’m good now that you’re here.  My friend Ryan and I made a solar system mobile in class, and Kate let us borrow her glitter glue to make the stars.”  Wade frowned. 

“Isn’t Ryan the one that got spaghetti in your hair that you wanted to stab with a pen?”

“No,” she shook her head, “That was Brian.  Ryan’s funny.  Brian’s stupid.”

“Right,” Wade chuckled.

“And you, Daddy?  Did you shoot any bad guys?”

“Not a lot.  They’ve been a bit more subdued since I joined the Avengers extended team.”  She finally took notice of Peter then.  Her eyes widened. 

“Are you . . . Peter Parker?” she asked, with the sort of reverence most people only gave to his other persona.  And, without the mask, he couldn’t cover his blush. 

“Yes, I’m Peter.  It’s very nice to meet you, Ellie.”

Immediately she latched onto him.  Wade smiled and went into the kitchen to help Emily with dinner. 

“He’s already good with her,” Emily observed. 

“Well, I’ve only been telling her how good he’s been to me,” Wade replied as he cut the chicken into small cubes.  Emily grabbed the veggies and did the same. 

“I know.  So that begs the question—why haven’t you brought him sooner?  You trust him, clearly.  You love him.”

“How can I ask him to . . . to live with the fact that I had a kid, that I—I want to be a good dad, before we’ve even been together long enough to _think_ about it together?”

“How can you keep such an important part of your life from him, and from her?”

“I can’t ask Peter to be a dad, too.  Not on top of everything else.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know,” Wade said, dumping the food into the pot and pouring the broth in to heat up with everything. “But he’s such a self-sacrificing person.  He’ll take it on even if he shouldn’t.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” Emily asked.  Wade sighed.  While the soup simmered, they set the table. 

“You’re trying to give him an out.  What if he doesn’t want one?  What if he thinks he’s not important enough to you to know your daughter?  What if he wants to be a dad with you?”

“But are we ready to do that together, Emily?  I don’t think so.  He’s one of a select few people that know she even exists—if he wants to be a part of her life, and she lets him, I could never say no.  But choosing between them . . . it would break me down pretty hard.  Much as I’m willing to get hurt physically to get a job done, I’m not sure I’m willing to put my heart through that again.”  Emily smiled. 

“We’ll just have to see then.  Dinner’s ready!”

And when Ellie came in holding Peter’s hand, a spark of hope burned in Wade’s chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellie is adorable and Wade needs to trust that Peter knows what he wants. That is all.


	19. The Vanishing Glass Stays Put

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter take Ellie to the zoo.

**_The palsy plagues my pulses_ **

**_When I prig your pigs or pullen_ **

**_Your culvers take, or matchless make_ **

**_Your Chanticleer or sullen._ **

Peter was struck by how much she looked like Wade.  She was Hispanic, too, probably on her mother’s side—but the curl of her mouth, the set of her eyes—that was all Wade.  She was very beautiful, indeed. 

While Wade and Emily had gotten started in the kitchen, Peter had a conversation with her. 

“My dad loves you so much,” she said with the serious conviction children have about how they see the world, “He loves you more than he hates mean people, or he’d still fight the way he used to.  That’s a lot.  He thinks I shouldn’t know about his fights, that he’s protecting me that way, but we had to write about our favorite superheroes last month, so I did more research on him.  Please . . . love him, even if he doesn’t act the way he should.” 

“I will,” Peter answered immediately.  She’d asked as if it were a favor; Peter couldn’t help _but_ love Wade at this point.  “Now, I get the feeling he used to visit a lot more—why do you think he’s pulling back?  Am I getting in the way?”  The last thing Peter wanted to do was take a daughter’s father away.  But Ellie shook her head. 

“No, that’s not it, especially if he’s bringing you over now.  Only a few people know I exist—that I’m his daughter.”

“How many?”

“Nora and the people in this house.  Maybe your aunt, if Nora’s good friends with her too."

“Not Logan or Steve?” Peter’s eyes widened. 

“No.  As his daughter, I’m legally dead.  That way people can’t use me against him.  Nora is Emily’s step mom, so that’s how she knows.  He only trusts a few people with me.  You’re one of them.  Dad used to live next door, but there’s a lot more villains attacking New York directly, so it’s easier for him to just visit when he can.”  God, if Peter didn’t think she was too smart, he’d lie to her, but this girl was brilliant. 

“I love your dad, Ellie.  I’m going to have a talk with him about visiting more or figuring something out.”  He couldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep, but he’d damn well try to help this girl keep her father.  And a spark of a plan was forming. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Emily called, and they went to the dining room—chicken soup for the night.

“I can stay the entire weekend,” Wade said, “And Peter agreed to as well.  Some time out together, Ellie-belly.  How about that?”

“Peter and I can be friends then?” she grinned.  Peter nodded. 

“I’d love to be, Ellie.”

* * *

The zoo, of course, was the place they’d agreed to go see Saturday morning.  It was definitely Ellie’s favorite place.  Peter grinned as Wade took pictures of him by the spider exhibit, and specifically the Black Widow one to tag Natasha in later. 

Ellie dragged them through the reptile exhibits, and stopped by the snakes, insisting indeed that she wasn’t Harry Potter so it was okay to go close to the glass. 

“Is she yours?” asked one of the workers, a lady with a long nose and a wide grin.  She gestured to Ellie, who was with Wade getting closer to the python area, babbling about whether or not it was raised in captivity. 

“No,” Peter replied.  The woman frowned. 

“You came in with her and that man, though.”

“He’s my boyfriend and her father.  I just met her last night.”  Peter was ready to be on the defensive—the ticketholder at the gate had already given Wade a stink eye for holding Ellie’s hand.  But this woman smiled. 

“Oh, I wasn’t sure whether you were related or not.  But I see—he loves her, doesn’t he?”

“Incredibly.  I’d love to be a part of her life, but . . .” Peter shrugged. “It’s nearly lunchtime, I’d better go.”

And he left to take them to lunch, but not before the woman called out. 

“You’d make a lovely family.” 

* * *

 

So, at lunch, Ellie talks mostly to Peter.  She tells him about Wade living next door, about the pies they baked last Thanksgiving, about her friend Ryan and the bully Brian. 

Eventually, she gets around to asking questions. 

“What’s Spider-Man like?” she asks.  Peter frowned and glanced at Wade. 

“What do you mean?”

“He’s my dad’s best friend!  I need to know what other people think!” 

“You didn’t tell her?” Peter asked.  Wade shrugged. 

“It’s your secret.  I might have badgered you to tell your coworkers, but I would never tell without your permission.”

“Well, in that case,” Peter nodded and leaned in towards her across their table. 

“Can you keep a secret for me, Ellie?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding. 

“I’m Spider-Man.  Your dad knows I don’t like telling people so they can’t come after my family and friends, so he kept it a secret.  But you and I are friends, and so I’m telling you, okay?”  Her smile came back, brilliant as could be. 

“So—you love your best friend?” she asked. 

“I do,” Peter said, “We get to be best friends and more.”  Wade looked touched, after seeming amused for the first half of the conversation. 

“Now, I want to ask something, if it’s all right—Wade, what if you adopt Ellie, officially?  So that her current identity can be your daughter on paper, too?”

“The identity is to keep her safe,” Wade frowned.  Peter sighed. 

“I know.  But _you_ of all people can keep her safe, if you’re with her.  And you get to be a dad the way I know you want to be, the way I know you _can_ be.”

“You can be Dadpool!” agreed Ellie with a spark in her eye. 

“I like the sound of that,” Wade allowed, “Maybe . . . Emily and I will have to talk paperwork.  And maybe Ellie can visit me at home next weekend?”  The girl squealed, launching herself at Wade. 

“Yes!  I know she’ll say yes, just you wait!"

* * *

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her,” Wade said after he’d put her to bed.  Peter shook his head. 

“I guess I’m just glad you trust me with her.”

“I do,” he nodded, “I trust you more than _me_ with her.”  Peter shook his head. 

“You can’t mean that.  Be honest, Wade—even if you were a killer again.  Even if that, you would use it to protect her.  I know you would.”  Wade was silent for a few minutes. 

“Do you think I can really be a dad?”

“I think you already are.  And I’m willing to help any way I can.”

“. . . Thank you, Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to look up all the fancy words in the verse just to figure out it was a lot of animals. So zoo it was. 
> 
> Is Ellie adorable or what? Wade's main insecurity about her safety no longer really has to do with safety at all. Now he just wants to be sure he's not forcing Peter into dadhood when Peter didn't sign up for it--but you can probably tell Peter has no problem with Ellie.
> 
> 5 points if you can figure out the chapter title :) (hint I made Ellie make the reference this isn't really hard but I thought it was clever okay)
> 
> See you all next time!


	20. Not to be Afraid of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade's got a mission!

**_When I want provant, with Humphry_ **

**_I sup, an when benighted_ **

**_I repose in Paul's with waking souls,_ **

**_Yet never am affrighted._ **

“So we’re going to deal with some breaches of SHIELD security, since your friend should not have been able to escape twice,” Tony said. 

“Harry’s pretty smart, but I agree—Doc Oc on his own wouldn’t have a motive to get him out, and wouldn’t have the resources either.”  Peter frowned. 

“We could check the different Oscorps centers and see what connections he had,” suggested Steve.

“I’m down with that.  JARVIS, get hacking.”

“Yes, sir.”

“In the meantime, we should probably send a few personal envoys to get a better feel for the atmosphere of the company and the who’s-who in person,” agreed Natasha, “That means me, Clint, Wade.  The rest of you aren’t really undercover-ready.”

“I’m sorry, you included _me_?” Wade stared.  _Yeah, this mug isn’t exactly normal._

“It’ll start undercover,” Clint amended, “But we’ll need a little intimidation on our side if Nat’s few theories are correct.  And while she and I are intimidating, we may need your help anyway—everyone knows what Deadpool is capable of.”

“Wade’s not like that, not anymore,” Peter protested, but the former merc put up his hand. 

“I know my reputation, Petey.  It’s an advantage this time.”  And it was—though both of the SHIELD agents were able, certainly, to kill any member of Oscorps without much of a struggle at all, Wade was known for his merc skills.  His presence alone made people uncomfortable—and he had no problem making assholes queasy. 

“This’ll last a couple of weeks, starting next Monday,” explained Coulson.  Wade frowned. 

“Weekends off?”

“No, I’m afraid—there’s a tight schedule we have to follow.  We can’t afford to get caught before we have the information we need.”

“Why, you always have date night on weekends?” asked Clint, smirking. 

“No.  Just—“

“I’ll take care of it while you’re gone,” Peter volunteered, “I’d like to get to know her myself.  You guys will have plenty of time together when you’re not on mission.”

_What.  He actually—he wants to help with her?  Would he be willing to take that on?_

_He’s a bit young to be a dad._

_But definitely a DILF._

_He’d totally do all the encouraging lunch notes being all cute._

_He’s definitely a candidate for the Dream Daddy game._

“Her?” asked Wanda _Maxim-fuck-off._

“Wade was going to catch up with a friend who’s moving to New York, too. They were going to meet a lot on weekends, but since I’m not allowed on missions and he’s needed, I can keep her entertained while he’s out with you.” And wow, even defending Ellie from the team?  That was . . . that was something.  Wade smiled a little. 

“I didn’t know Wilson had friends,” Tony said, and everyone glared.  Which, seriously?  He was not a kid.

“We’ve all heard an iteration of that one before, Stark.  It’s a seventh-grade joke.  I’m sure you’re familiar with the receiving end of it.  And anyway, Peter was talking about my daughter.”  Steve’s eyes widened. 

“She survived?”

“And she’s safe, under a different name for now.  I’m going to change that soon, adopt her.  But first I’ve got to make the world safe for her, right?” he gave a crooked grin, “That’s the dad thing to do.”

Everyone was looking at him weirdly—bar Peter, of course. 

_Yeah, I reproduced.  No, the kid isn’t dead.  Yes, I want to take care of her._

“What’s her name?” asked Clint, and Wade blinked. 

“Eleanor.  My little Ellie—she’s nine, now.”  The archer nodded. 

“Bring her by the tower sometime—I love hanging with kids.”

* * *

 

Ellie loved New York, loved hanging out with Wade and Peter. 

Wade’s heart broke just a little to leave them both behind, but not too much when he saw them together.

So, he hugged them both tight, swore to figure out Harry’s little assist, and promised to be back soon. 

* * *

Clint and Nat went ahead and started feeling out the employees, getting friendly where they had to.  The good thing was that Clint had a fairly good working knowledge of physics—had to, when it came to using arrows as a weapon of choice—because he was able to sneak into the science department, and found an underground division he was able to sneak them all down to. 

Wade followed them on the security cameras, happily snacking on some churros while the supposed security guards managing the cameras were snoozing, or rather, knocked out in the corner. 

Natasha followed Clint down, and Wade paid attention to what they were saying as they spoke with the next man in the lab coat. 

“Of course, Norman had everyone in coding busy lately trying to hack SHIELD, so now we have to scramble to check our own defenses,” grumbled a tech. 

And if Norman was indeed directing people in facilities hacking SHIELD, that could mean very few things in their search. 

“Next step, figure out where Norman Osborn is,” Wade said into the comm. 

“On it.  Time for you to do a little fenagling, Wilson.  And by that, I mean threatening people into giving Norman up.”

“Can do, Itsy Bitsy.”

“. . . dude, you did not just—“

“I did.”  So Wade followed their next instructions.  Down into the basement, past the creepy fluorescent-lit hallways, make a left at the conference room, find gaggle of scientists, start threatening harm, get information, find Osborn, arrest him. 

It wasn’t actually that hard, in practice, especially since the scientists were of the ilk that were really just in it for the money and did not want to risk life or limb for the dude. 

“Widow, do you copy?  He’s in Orlando.  Apparently he wasn’t too happy about his son being in SHIELD custody.”

Wade growled. 

“That fucker.  I swear to Stan, he’s gonna pay.”

“Stan?” Clint asked, and Wade only smirked. 

“Should probably pray to Frost, seeing as she’s the creator of _this_ universe, but he’s the one that has the rights to me ultimately.”

“What the hell?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Hawkling.  Let’s go find us a Norman Osborn and rip him a new one.”

“Now _that_ , I can get behind,” the archer said, lips curling. 

* * *

 

When they found the dude in plain sight with a Hawaiian shirt and a martini, they sat down at his table on the patio of a street restaurant together. 

“Hey, Norm, it’s been a while,” Wade greeted. 

“Deadpool.  Widow.  Hawkeye,” the man addressed them quietly, staring at them.  “Is this where you haul me back home to take care of my troubled son and atone for my sins as the Goblin?”

“Nope, bud, this is where we take you in for hacking SHIELD, assisting the escape of one of our high-profile prisoners, and for the stuff you did as Goblin.”

“And you think you can get me to go quietly?” he asked, leaning back lazily. 

“I’m glad you’re not.  Because recognize me?” Wade leaned forward, “I’m not like Spidey, despite our fashion choices and enjoyment of each other’s company.  I swore to him I wouldn’t kill anymore, not on purpose, but you? I can’t guarantee I won’t accidentally do something.  I really can’t, because after what you put Spidey through?  You make me see red everywhere.  Just give me one good reason, Assborn, and I’ll make sure it looks like an accident.  Widow and Hawkeye as witnesses.  No one else is around, after all.  I’d make you _pay._ ”

“All this for one little arachnid,” sighed the man.  Then he stood up and threw down a smoke bomb. 

Natasha and Clint, though, had plenty of experience with this kind of escape.  Clint’s hand shot out to grab Osborn, and Nat grabbed him from behind. 

When the smoke cleared, Wade had a katana at the man’s throat. 

“Knew you’d kill me anyway.  Had to try.”

“Yeah, no.  See, I’m not actually going to kill you.  The threat made you desperate enough to make a move, though, didn’t it?” Wade sighed, sheathing his katanas. 

“Dude, even I took you seriously,” Clint argued, “And I would have helped, honestly—for Spidey’s sake.”

“Let him rot at SHIELD,” Wade shrugged, “With his degenerate son.” Later, when asked again by Nat, he shrugged. 

“I have a boyfriend and a daughter to go home to.  I don’t need to go to them with more blood on my hands-they shouldn't have to be afraid of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has started so I'm definitely going to be more sporadic on this thing. But, slowly and surely, I am getting it done! Here's hoping I finish before next year, right?


	21. Not Quite the Comrades You're Looking For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Wade is away, Peter will play--with Ellie, and question Wade's choices in friends.

**_The Gipsys, Snap and Pedro_ **

**_Are none of Tom's comradoes,_ **

**_The punk I scorn, and the cutpurse sworn_ **

**_And the roaring boy's bravadoes._ **

“Do you think Dad just doesn’t want to deal with me on top of everything else?  I mean, he can do the fun stuff, but the paperwork, the hassle of a kid?” Ellie asked.  Peter shook his head. 

“No, Ellie, no.  He’s just really unsure about how good at it he’ll be.  He wouldn’t forgive himself if he messed everything up for you, and he’d rather avoid being a screw up even if it means he doesn’t get to be happy with you.”

“But that’s stupid,” she grumbled, and Peter shrugged. 

“Sometimes we do stupid things because we mean well.  A lot of adults are that way—they’re so caught up in doing what’s right, they don’t pay attention to the changes around them and miss out on a lot of good.”

“I’m back,” called Emily from the front door, “Sorry, Peter, but I have to take Ellie to school.”  Peter smiled. 

“Have fun.  Don’t stab Brian.”

“I won’t,” Ellie sighed, pouting.  “But that doesn’t mean I won’t like it.” She paused. 

“Peter . . . you love my dad.  Are you going to ever—never mind.  It’s stupid.”  Emily was in the doorway, frowning. 

“It’s not, whatever it is,” Peter promised. 

“Are you both going to be my dads?”  Peter’s jaw dropped.  _Him, a dad_? 

“I’m—I’m a little young to be a dad, Ellie.  I don’t think I’d be too good at it,” he said, and she rolled her eyes. 

“And when Dad says the same thing, you defend him.  You’re taking care of me while he’s away, which seems pretty dad-ish to me.  I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Ellie!” called Emily, and they left, the house quiet and empty with just Peter there. 

* * *

 

Wade called while Peter was doing the dishes. 

“We’ll be back on Thursday, sweetums.  I’m finishing up some loose ends, Nat is putting some bondage stuff on our prisoner, and Clint thinks he can beat me at Rainbow Road.”

“Good luck, and come home safely,” Peter smiled. 

“Will do, my sweet spider.”  And Peter stretched, before continuing the dishes. 

The doorbell rang. 

“Just a second!”

And when Peter answered, there was a scruffy dude with thick glasses at the door, scowling. 

“Look, man, are you telling me he hired someone to clean his house, but he won’t pay me back for the ammo shipments?”

“Uh, I don’t know who you are, or why you’re here,” Peter replied.  _Dammit Wade, which one is this?  Weasel?  It’s probably Weasel._

“Did he _move_?  Quick, did the guy that lived here last have a face that looked like someone turned it inside out, left it like that, then got into a housefire?”

Peter punched him. 

“Wha— _dude_ , what was that for?”

“Talking about Wade like that.”

“It’s nothing he hasn’t heard from me!”

“Yeah, well, no one’s going to be saying those kinds of things about him again,” Peter grumbled, “You’re Weasel, I take it?  Peter.  Leave my boyfriend the hell alone.”

“ _Boyfriend?_ ” Weasel choked out, “You sure about that?”

“Wade Wilson is my boyfriend, and I love him.  You won’t talk about him like that, understand?”

“Okay, okay, fine, boyfriend.  More power to you, I guess.  Anyway, he still owes me like, five hundred for the last ammo thing.”

“He’s out on a mission, and won’t be back for a few days.  Also, I work for the Avengers, and I know for a fact the ammo you supply him is way cheaper than your price.”

“Because I need to eat, man.  Bartending does not a living make.”  Peter sighed. 

“Fine.  How about I give you two-fifty now, and you can talk to Wade later about the other half.”

“You’re paying for weaponry?  How old are you—twelve?”

“I’m twenty, and if these bullets keep people from getting more hurt than necessary, I’m all for it.”

“Oh, so he’s really for that incapacitating, not decapitating thing now?”

“He is.  Goodbye,” Peter said flatly, sliding down the door after he’d closed it.

 _Damn_.  Wade had spoken about Weasel briefly—Peter had almost assumed they were friends—but for a guy to be so blatantly vicious?  No, it didn’t appear that Wade had too many friends at all from that time of his life. 

 _Not anymore_.  No, Peter wasn’t the only person.  He wasn’t stupid.  But now Wade had people in his corner more than ever before.  Him, Ellie, Emily, even the Avengers.  It was almost a complete 180 from anything Weasel said when any of the heroes talked about Wade.  They knew who the real man was—and Peter was so glad to be one of them. 

* * *

 

“Petey, I’m hoooooome!” Wade sang out as he burst through the door.  Peter tackled him from the couch, kissing him. 

“What’s the verdict?  How was the mission?”

“Slow down, Petey-pie.  Good enough.  I waved and gestured with my guns to scare people, Clint and Nat hacked, and we arrested Norman Osborn.  I may have shot him in the foot.  And the leg.  And the other foot.”

“You found Norman?  He was breaking Harry out?!”

“Yup.  He was a total dick about it, too.”

“Well, yeah.”

“But he’s gone, Petey, and he’s cut off from all of his assets.  There’s no breaking either incarnation of the Goblin out now.”

Peter wrapped his arms around Wade’s neck, kissing him deeply. 

“I’m glad you’re back.”

“Sorry you had to step away from what you wanted to do to take care of Ellie.” 

“Actually, I loved taking care of her—I think I already love her.  She asked if I would ever be her other dad.”  He’d started off pretty animated, but his volume went down with each word as he realized— _me, Ellie’s dad?  If it was more of what this week held, why the hell not?_

“Really?” Wade smiled nervously.  “I’ll talk to her about it—”

“But not before we talk about it,” Peter interrupted.  “You’re not just going to blow it off.”

“Isn’t it uncomfortable, though?  I mean, you certainly didn’t expect to be a dad coming into this with me.”

“But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t _like_ it,” Peter replied.  And as he said it, he got more confident.  “I care about Ellie; I care about you.  Why shouldn’t we be a family?  We could handle it together.  She could have the best super dads there ever were, and we could take the best care of her.”

“Are you so sure that you can handle it?  It isn’t all tea parties and remembering the difference between Brian and Ryan.”

“Believe it or not, I know.”

“So . . . where does this leave us?”  Peter rolled his eyes. 

“It means we’re going to be dads together, and we love each other, and that I’m going to have a hard time not punching Weasel again next time he tries to shake you down for ammunition payments.”

"You punched him?"

"In the face."

"God, I love you," grinned Wade.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead, just dead inside (aka college midterms)
> 
> I don't know when I'll get the next chapter up, because it's not done? I tried to write ahead for a while, so you guys wouldn't be totally without anything when this happened. No, Peter's not a big fan of Weasel, but if I bring in anyone else Wade has actually hung out with in this universe, I think Peter will be okay with them. I have a much more vague idea from here on out, so updates will be farther in between.


	22. In Which I Am White More Than Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade cares a lot, and is terrified of screwing things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short fade to black smut in this chapter- I don't think I describe a thing, but it's a step further than anything I've done before. This story will probably be an M rating specifically because of that scene but idk since that's the first time I've tried it. Let me know what you think- please be gentle in crits if possible, though! My first time even going in that direction :)

**_The meek, the white, the gentle,_ **

**_Me handle not nor spare not;_ **

**_But those that cross Tom Rhinoceros_ **

**_Do what the panther dare not_ **

Crappy cell service was crappy, but really, what did he expect?

“ _It’s been a year and a half, Wade.”_

“Can’t I call my favorite diamond-marked girl just to say hi?”

_“No.  You’re expecting a favor, and I’m probably going to need a whiskey or a pistol for it.”_

“Jeez, Domino.  Don’t get your catsuit in a twist.”

_“What do you want?”_

“Advice.  You were a kid once.  What color does a little girl want her bedroom painted?”  An exasperated sigh crackled over the phone. 

_“Did you kidnap a little girl, Wade?  I thought you drew the line with kids.”_

“Nah, don’t worry about it.  Doing a favor.”

_“Right.  Well, it depends on what she likes.  Horses?  Princesses?  Superheroes?  Pirates?”_

“A little bit of everything.”

_“Do you know her favorite color?”_

“Red,” he said decisively.  Ellie really did love red. 

_“Look up some jewel tone reds, and have one wall be white or cream to lighten it up.”_

“Thanks; you’re a lifesaver.”

_“Pfft.  You owe me a drink for this and any other ‘advice’ involving a little girl.”_

“A drink for your advice at large?”

_“No, a drink per question.”_

“Damn.  I’ll have to ask my other female friends, then.”

_"You have no friends."_

"Ouch, I totally do.  And a boyfriend to boot."

_"Is his name Your Hand?"_

"Fuck off."

* * *

“So, I was thinking that we should take a few steps forward,” Peter said.  Wade raised his eyebrows. 

“And by that you mean?”

“I think we should make love,” he said unashamedly.  “And possibly move me and Ellie in.  God, Wade, I—I want to be with you, to come home to you.  We’ve already decided we’re parents.  I want our physical relationship to move forward, too.  If you’re ready.”  And Wade stood there, stunned. 

_You want me._

_He wants us._

_He wants to be home—with us, with me, god, what—how?_

“Are you sure?”

“About it all.  Let’s work on it in order?” Peter smiled.  It was like sunlight off the water, gleaming, refreshing, and inviting. 

“Yes, Peter.  I’m—well, not ready in the fact that I’m freaking out worse than most fanboys at inconsistencies—but I’m ready for you in whatever way you want me.  That, I’m sure of.”

* * *

_God, don’t fuck this up.  Please, don’t fuck this up._

For once, the voices didn’t have a witty reply. 

Kissing was how it started, easy, relaxed, like they’d done a thousand times by now.  Wade liked kissing Peter—there was a softness in him, a sureness with his hands like Wade was something precious to be handled. 

He might not always have been a merc, but he was certainly never precious. 

He ran his fingers through Peter’s hair, leaning forward, backing him up to the bed. 

Peter pulled back and gasped for air, which Wade didn’t need as readily, so he moved down his neck, mouthing at his collarbones. 

“God,” Peter leaned back, “So good, Wade.  You’re going to make this so good for me, I know it.”

“Geeze, pressure much?” Wade muttered. 

“It’s not pressure,” he smiled back, “I know whatever you do will be good.  Because it’s you, the man I love, doing it.”

And Wade had to kiss him breathless again, just for that. 

Peter ran his hands up and down Wade’s back, tugging him closer.  The warmth was wonderful, the skin-on-skin between their chests—it heightened every sensation just a little. 

He pressed his hips down onto Peter’s, groaning at the friction it caused.  He was writhing in no time, surging upwards for more. Heat pooled in him, a fuzzy warmth and an itch for just  _more._

“Get these off,” Peter said in between kisses, tugging at the waistbands of their underwear.  Wade, of course, was happy to comply.  

* * *

Nightmares are a funny thing.  Well, actually, not funny at all.  They fucking sucked. 

And they were weird as hell. Wade’s were . . . interesting. He tended to lucid dream a lot.  White and Yellow sometimes became people instead of boxes, but they always wore their respective colors, which was nice. 

White was a mousy little girl tonight, rectangular glasses and brunette hair and pale as fuck skin.  Yellow was a tall man with a crooked nose and blonde curly hair that frizzed in all directions. They were in Blind Al's apartment, the living room. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” asked Yellow angrily, “Spidey won’t want a fucking kid.  Ellie doesn’t want to move from Em.  What are you _thinking_?”  His yelling was getting spit in Wade’s face.  Ew.

“Peter’s made his decisions, not me,” Wade argued, “And he and I are fucking _happy_ together, so shut it.”

“Peter’s got a hero complex a mile wide,” said White calmly.  She rolled her eyes.  “This is not news.  He’d take on the world to protect it.  He’d protect his wort enemies.  Don’t you think there’s _any_ pity involved?”

“You’re going to break Ellie’s heart,” Yellow snarled, “When Peter can’t take you anymore.”

The room they were in—it was shifting while they talked.  It looked like Avengers tower now. 

“You think they’ll be safe?” White said, face sad and compassionate, which, fuck no, no one died. 

“They’re all going to die bloody, if the comics or the Infinity War trailer are to be trusted,” Yellow said, “And you’re totally fucked in that case.”

“And if not, you can’t die, Wade.  _You can’t die_.  But everyone else on this world is perfectly mortal.” The glass walls of the Tower shattered. 

“And the worst part,” Yellow wasn’t Yellow anymore.  His face had shifted, looking—well, like Wade, before his Origin Story™.  “Is this.  You’re cancer, Wade—physically, metaphorically—you are poisoning everything and you can’t be killed.  You’re taking over all the good things you encounter, and if you could be cut out and removed, that would be better for everyone involved.”  A pile of bodies—so many corpses.  Stark.  Cap.  Widow.  May.  Weasel.  Nora.  Domino.  Thor.  Logan.  Peter.  Ellie—all dead, so dead.  But then Peter opened his eyes and no.  Nonononono. 

His skin was burned, scarred over a thousand times.  It was Peter, but—

“Come on, Wade,” he shrugged, “It’s the only way we’re going to be together.  Can’t work out any other way. I thought I'd take a few steps forward.”  And he slit his own throat, but kept _talking_.  And god, no, Wade never wanted that.  White stood by impassively, Yellow gone. 

“What do you think, Wade?  Hm?” The grin was lined with blood, and there was so much wrong with that being Peter’s face, Peter’s eyes. 

“Wade,” White said, agitated, and Wade was sobbing on his knees as Peter taunted him. 

“God, no, Peter, I didn’t want this, not like this,” he said, and White was repeating. 

“Wade, Wade.  _Wade!_ ”

He sat bolt upright, White’s face like a ghost hovering over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just finished this chapter and did not look at it for editing spare me but please let me know if there's anything super wrong. The title is that because secretly I busted into Wade's dream as The Author and became his White Box aesthetically. Don't ask why; I'm writing at 12:30 AM this is what I do sometimes


	23. Waking (from) Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They might be waking to bliss, but danger hits Peter's Spidey Senses pretty hard with what comes next.

**_That of your five sound senses_ **

**_You never be forsaken,_ **

**_Nor wander from your selves with Tom_ **

**_Abroad to beg your bacon._ **

“Wade, Wade,” Peter urged.  “ _Wade!”_

He jerked up, sucking in air.  His face was ghostly white. 

“It was a nightmare, you’re safe, sh,” Peter rubbed his boyfriend’s back consolingly.  “You’re all right.  We’re home.  It’s okay.”

Wade just threw his arms around Peter, hiccuping with little sobs. 

“God, Peter.  I’m sorry.  Why am I like this?” he said. 

“It’s okay, just a nightmare.  Nothing happened.”

“Eugh,” Wade grumbled, “Some days it’s hard to tell which is which.  But considering none of my nightmares included you in bed with me, I’ll go with this being real.  You’re better than anything my mind could come up with.”  Peter blushed and kissed him.  

* * *

While Wade was making breakfast, Peter facetimed his aunt.

 “Aunt May, I’m moving in with Wade,” he said quietly.  May grinned. 

“And Ellie?”

“And Ellie.  Do you think it’s too soon?” he asked, “I know I’m young, but—”

“People younger than you have fought wars, Peter,” she reminded him, “You’re much more mature than most people would expect at your age.  You have a steady—if dangerous—job, as does your partner.  And loads of people on your side.”

“Did you feel ready for me, all the same?” Peter raised his eyebrows. 

“You never feel ready, Peter.  But you are,” she said, grabbing a box across the counter. 

“I think you’d like to give this to her when you’re ready.”  She held it up to the screen, and Peter grinned. 

“How did you make that without me knowing?”

“Oh, please.  You haven’t been to the last few club meetings.  I'm thinking that you'll enjoy your and Wade's Christmas gifts, too.  Nora's so excited about what she's made."

It was a knit Spider-Bear with a big heart around the spider on its chest. 

“She’ll love it.  I love it, actually.  Thanks, Aunt May.”

“Of course, Peter.” 

* * *

" _FUCKING SON OF A **BITCH**!_ ” Wade roared, and Peter’s skin crawled with Spidey Sense— _danger_.  It hadn’t done that because of Wade in a long, long time. 

“What’s wrong?” dread held his throat tight, his voice choked. 

“Ellie, Ellie’s gone, there was an attack at school,” Wade swore up and down a few notches, “They took her entire class hostage.  The dumbshit she was complaining about blabbed that I hung around her sometimes.  And some guys that used to hire me for assassinations got wind of it.” 

“Fuck,” Peter replied, “Suit up, grab what you need.  I’ll call the Avengers, see who’s closest.  Who took them?”

“Don’t care,” Wade growled, “They’re going to be breathing through tubes when I’m done.”

Peter bit his lip, heat flushing his cheeks.  Honestly?  This was not the time.  No, nearly-murdery-tendencies should not be hot.  But regardless, he was on Wade’s side here. 

“I know, and I’ll web them down for you.”

Wade blinked, jolted from his anger at the agreement. 

“Hot yet ill-timed, Petey.”

“Let’s just save our daughter, huh?”  Holy crap, did that feel awesome, to call her his daughter.  “I mean, once we find out whether she’s okay with me being her dad.”

“Hell yes.”

The whole time, he felt like his hair was standing on end, waiting for the inevitable hit. 

* * *

The hostage negotiation team was under way, Tony using every hacking skill he had to find the location of the kidnappers and the students. 

“We can’t go in guns blazing,” Steve admitted firmly, “Or they might hurt the kids.  But we also don’t want to wait too long, so Tony’s sending his prototype spider-drones in to find the best course of action.  We’ll get your daughter back, Wade,” he said. 

“My daughter too, if she’ll have me,” Peter agreed, “We won’t let harm come to her.  Do you guys have any suggestions at all about this?”

“Got it!” Tony shouted.  Peter sighed with relief. 

“They’re in Hell’s Kitchen, so we’ll have to call up our devilish friend, but it looks like they’re in a condemned apartment building, second floor.  They’ve got the kids in two separate bathrooms, which are toward the center of the building without windows, so we can’t just sneak in.  Each bathroom has one goon inside with a gun, orders to shoot if there’s an attack.”

“Well, what if there isn’t an attack?” Peter asked, “What if there’s a civilian that wanders in, takes them out silently, and leaves them hanging while we free the kids?”

“Are you suggesting—” Wade turned to Peter. 

“Just saying, I look young and innocent.  What’s another hostage to those guys?”

“I like the way you think, Parker,” Tony agreed.

* * *

Peter had his suit on below his civilian clothes and a comm in his ear.  He made his way into the apartment and up the stairs quickly, spray paint in hand for an excuse (courtesy of Clint). 

When he opened the door, his eyes crossed at the gun so close to his nose. 

“What the hell?!” he asked, because he had to be a _decent_ actor to get this to go through with minimal worry about the kids. 

“Kid, you picked the wrong place and the wrong time,” the skeezy guy with the beanie said, grabbing him by the collar. 

“Dude!  What the—look, I’m a broke college kid, this was a dare, I’m out—” he said, but the guy slammed the door behind them. 

“You’re going in with the kids until we figure out what to do with you.”

“ _Kids?_ ”

“We’ll let your guard explain it to you.  Hey, Rufus!”  He dragged Peter into a bathroom where seven kids and a guy probably a little older than him were. 

“Someone got curious.  Tell him the deal so he’ll keep quiet.”

“I’m really not the strong, silent type,” Peter interrupted.

“You’d better be if you want to live.” Rufus, pale and scruffy, was missing a tooth.  He smelled like stale cigarettes. 

“ _We’re recording now, Arachnakid.”_ Tony put the recording function of the comm on for evidence’s sake in their trials. 

 _“Be safe, Peter.”_ Aw, Wade. 

“So, what’s ‘the deal’?” he asked, shifting to put himself between Rufus and the kids. 

“Do you keep promises, kid?  Uphold contracts?  Because we had a long-standing contract with a mercenary, one that paid good money and kept our people out of trouble.  But he drops our contract without notice, so we figure that’s pretty rude.  Turns out he has a kid, right?  So we take the kid and her class, hold ‘em hostage, and get returns on the jobs he owes us.”

“Wow,” Peter said, “That was almost logical.  Except, dude?  Deadpool’s an Avenger now, so you just made the _worst_ enemies.”  Peter prepared to web the guy’s hand to the wall before he could move any further. 

“ _Thanks, Spider-Man,”_ offered Daredevil, patching in on their system for the moment, “ _This is my territory, so I’ll apprehend the rest of them once you tie them up.  We’re moving in on your signal.”_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, these posts have been more sporadic, and I'm sorry for that - life, as usual, gets in the way. I'm going to finish this one entirely before posting anything new, but once that starts, I'll probably post multiple different fics and work on two or three at a time to get a bit of variety out there. Luckily, we're almost there! 
> 
> I'm thinking of a gen Captain America fic or probably some Stucky, with some other fandoms I've been knocking ideas around for. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @lyricfrost13


	24. Unfairly Poor Timing for Wade's Sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Great things are happening, Peter is hot, Wade has the option of being an Avenger according to Cap, and they saved the day. Good things, all in all. Life is looking up. 
> 
> Except Ellie is still in danger.

**_I'll bark against the Dog-Star_ **

**_I'll crow away the morning_ **

**_I'll chase the Moon till it be noon_ **

**_And I'll make her leave her horning._ **

He cocked his gun as he followed the Devil in.  No way was he letting Peter be alone in there for any longer than necessary. He thought back to what had transpired as he and the Avengers members suited up.

* * *

“We’re skipping on the more explosive members of the team for this; I trust you’re only going to make sure they don’t hurt another kid again?” the Captain asked.  It was weird; he was going on a _mission_ with Cap, not just ending up working with him ambiguously. 

“I don’t need more blood on my hands.  My daughter already deserves better than me, Cap.”

“Never said that, Wade—just letting you know who we have and honestly?”  The soldier sighed, “Sometimes I wouldn’t mind having a gun on hand for bastards like these.  Who messes with _kids_?  And you can call me Steve, Wade.  If we’re doing a family rescue mission, that means you’re family; you’re an Avenger in my books.”

“ _What?"_

“Despite the PR mess you'd have to deal with and the responsibilities with your family—do you think you’d be up for that?”

“Fuck, _not the time_ , but let me talk it out with Peter.  There’s a lot going on right now,” he flailed to gesture at the universe, everything. 

“Yeah,” Capt— _Steve_ —said. 

* * *

Back in the present, Daredevil was reporting. 

“Spider-man just webbed down the second guard, and has secured the kids in one room.  I’m surprised he managed to keep them quiet enough to sneak them away from their captors,”

“Let’s move in,” nodded Natasha. 

Cap, Widow, and Hawkeye took the scale-the-walls-route, and he and Daredevil started from the staircase in the center. 

“If we grab Spidey it’ll be a Team Red party,” Wade snorted, “By the way, how many guys we got up there, my super-hearing friend?”

“I’m not even going to try to understand how you know that, but there are seven in the left corridor and nine on the right.  I’m guessing the leader is on the right, based on their protective positions.”

They busted in on Cap’s signal, Wade quite happily slashing dudes down (not in places that would let them bleed out, of course, and he put a few bullets in a dude’s arm, but really, they _took his daughter_ , Liam Neeson had threatened worse). 

“Now, which one of you has a direct line to the boss, eh?” he asked as Daredevil flipped another dude over. 

“It’s Cal!  He’s supposed to be on rotation to watch the kids,” said the guy Wade was currently digging his heel into the stomach of.  Natasha had busted in from the outside of the room. 

“Where’s Grandpa and Tweety?” Wade asked. 

“They’re handling the other end of the building, and Sam’s at the base in case anyone tries to escape.”

Wade stalked through the apartment until lo and behold, he found Cal. 

“So, any particular reason you want to tell me you kidnapped these kids, asshole?”  The man was super pale with red cheeks—like a shaved mall Santa in a Supernatural cosplay. 

“Angel Dust,” he replied, backing up into a corner, “Angel wanted payback.  She was getting satisfaction from you secretly working for her, but found a better revenge in killing your kid in cold blood.  She’s not with the rest of the class—boss said something about taking care of her personally—I think she’s at the old lab in Vancouver—”

Wade shot him in the shoulder and stormed away.

* * *

“Stark, any chance you could get me a flight to Vancouver?  If not, I’m taking Hawkeye hostage to steal and pilot a jet.  You’ve clearly got this situation covered here.”

“Whoa, what?”

“Their boss took my daughter specifically.  Seriously, Stark, I _have_ to get to Vancouver.”

“We’ll take care of the rest of things here; Peter can take you over to Stark’s nearest jet or the nearest SHIELD flying gear.”  Cap nodded and gestured for them to go ahead. 

“Look, I’ll just fly you,” Stark muttered into the comms, crashing sounds happening around him, “Let me just get to my suit—sorry Bruce, gotta run—Peter can web up around me and Wade can hang on.  Your extra weight should only slow me down marginally from my usual top speeds, and we’ll get there sooner than a Helicarrier could take you.”

“Sold,” Wade nodded, “Peter, come on, we’ve got a daughter to save.”

Peter nodded, determined.  They could do this. 

* * *

Flying with Iron Man was an experience to say the least. 

“So, who’s the person we’re going to beat up?” Peter asked. 

“Angel Dust.  She worked for the guy that originally turned me into—this.” 

“And she decided to make use out of you when her boss was dead,” Peter surmised. 

“You guys want me for anything but transportation and/or backup?”  Stark had been fairly silent for the trip thus far. 

“Yeah, to blow the lab up once we take her down,”

“Now _that_ I can do, Wilson.”

They landed in front of what appeared to be a dingy hospital.  Wade grit his teeth. 

“If they try _anything_ on Ellie, I swear to—”

“Let’s get her, Wade.  Let’s get our daughter safe, then worry about Angel.”  Stark landed. 

“I suppose you want me outside for this?”

“Yeah, don’t let anyone escape.  There are probably victims and henchmen galore in there, and until we figure out who’s who, best to keep them all in one place,” Peter suggested.  If Angel had decided to follow in her boss’s footsteps, Wade could only imagine the horrors inside. 

“Let’s go; she knows we wouldn’t stop without Ellie at this point,” Wade urged.  Peter agreed and they rushed inside. 

It would have been creepy if much scared Wade at this point.  Flickering fluorescent lights did not do wonders for a welcoming environment.  The lack of furniture in the lobby area also wasn’t that great.  A yell came from down the hall, and they sprinted in that direction.  In a room near the end of the corridor (almost all of them were empty) there was Angel Dust and Ellie, alone. 

Well, alone except for the six armed guards on either side of them, guns trained on the entrance. 

“All I needed was a chance to let you watch her die, Wilson,” Angel said, a gun to Ellie’s head, “Do you think she’s like you?  Do you think she’ll bounce back from this?”  Wade clenched his hands around his katanas, mind racing to calculate a way to save Ellie.  _If I move, the bitch will shoot.  If I wait too long, the bitch will shoot.  Could I get the gun out of her hands faster than she can pull the trigger_? 

_Thwip. Thwip.  Thwip._

“I don’t think so,” Peter said.  "I'll get Ellie out of here; Wade, you can handle her, I'm sure." The gun was in his hand, Ellie was now behind him, and all the guards had theirs webbed to their chests.  Angel just looked shocked. 

_My spider is so fucking hot._

_Not the time!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to put Angel in there until she was suddenly there. I can't help it; we've focused on villains for Peter and someone had to have a motive for kidnapping Ellie beyond petty money things. Wade will go against anyone for Ellie, no matter what. He finally has others helping him out, now, and Peter would do the same :) We're at the home stretch - it's a bit bittersweet coming to the end, but we just have the end of the rescue and some celebration before we're through. This has been awesome so far guys. Thanks for sticking with me. As always, I really appreciate comments and kudos alike - the more the response, the sooner I'll be apt to put up the next chapter. It isn't written yet, but it's a high priority to finish this fic for you guys. I'm bound and determined to do this.  
> See you guys later!


	25. Wits Lost, but Everyone's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .There are so few precious things in this world to Peter - people he loves, deeply and personally. That circle has been growing, and he'll be damned if he'll let anyone hurt those he loves anymore.

**_I now repent that ever_ **

**_Poor Tom was so disdain-ed_ **

**_My wits are lost since him I crossed_ **

**_Which makes me thus go chained_ **

“Spider-Man!” Ellie squealed in his arms as they rushed out of the building. 

“Yeah, I’m getting you out of here so your dad can finish business in there.  Hey, Iron Man!  I’ve got her!  Mind taking her a few towns over?  Ellie—do you mind going with him? –I’ve got to help Wade, and away from here is the safest place for her right now.”

“Hi, Mister Stark,” she said, and there was no way Tony wasn’t blushing in the armor. 

“Wow, I haven’t heard someone call me Mister Stark in a long time, eh, Pete?” And now he was glad for _his_ mask. 

“I’ll take care of her,” Tony vowed, “She’ll have to visit.  A lot.  The team will adore her, frankly.  Who’re the godparents?”

“We haven’t even asked her officially, yet, so no idea,” Peter shrugged, gingerly handing Ellie off.  Before she was out of reach, however, she levelled a kiss on Peter’s forehead.  _Oh my god_ , Peter wanted to cry with the smile that she gave him. 

“Be safe,” she ordered, and what could he do but agree? 

“You too, Ellie.” 

As Tony sped off eastward, a large crash could be heard in the building. 

“Wade!”  He ran back inside. 

* * *

It was carnage, to say the least. 

As he came in, he noted that two walls had major damage from explosions, there were bullet casings scattered around, and men dressed like those that had kidnapped the class were pinned by varying limbs to the ground with knives.  Peter quickly checked to make sure no one was bleeding out before following the sounds of crashes and gunshots. 

Wade was bloodier than Peter had ever seen him, shot clean through in too many places.  On the other hand, Angel didn’t have a hair out of place. 

Clearly, Peter had some correcting to do to the situation. 

“You son of a bitch,” she cursed, turning on him, “What was that?  Where’d you take her?”

“Can’t help it if I’m faster than you.  Maybe you need to play some mind-strengthening games?  My aunt is trying one for better reflexes.  I hear they can get addicting.”

“I’m going to crush you—” He dodged back and forth as she turned her gun on him. 

“If you say ‘like the bug you are’ I will be very disappointed.  _Spider_ -man.  _Arachnid._   At least try to be original.  Plus, I’m pretty human where it counts, lady.”

“Great.  Two smartasses,” she grumbled. 

“Green goo protocol?” Peter offered. 

“I thought you’d never ask, honey buns.”

* * *

Angel seethed as she fought Wade—any time she tried to leave the room, she’d run into a sticky web that wasn’t worth the trouble of cutting.  Like actual spiderwebs, it stuck and tangled itself around her arm. Wade was shooting at close range (not that it did anything to either of them) and even though she was kind of a tank, he had more stamina.  She was getting sloppy.  

Peter grinned, webbing her foot to the ground once he’d gotten a good angle.  Without her moving around, he webbed her completely down, satisfied. 

“Thanks, Spidey,” Wade offered gratefully, “Now if you don’t mind, let me get one shot in.”

“You’re _hurt_ ,” Peter accused, “Look, I can paralyze her if you don’t want her to move, but frankly I don’t want you any more injured than you are, and even a little kickback is going to sting.”  Wade, if he saw himself, would make a swiss cheese comment.  That had to hurt, so it was probably better if he rested to heal. 

“One stab then.  No vital areas.  I swear.”

“One stab.  Then I call Iron Man to trade our daughter for this bitch.”  Wade made a little gasping noise.  He drove a knife directly through her arm into the floor, and Peter would have squawked in protest if he weren't so bone tired and it hadn't been the woman that had held a gun to Ellie's head. But he was hardly preoccupied with his little vengeance.   

“You _swore_ , Spidey, I’m so proud!  Was that almost a Harry Potter reference?  I mean, you're not much of a Weasley, but semantics.”

“I swear all the time, Wade.”

“But not in uniform, if you can help it.”

“Yeah, well, you push me to my limits, darling,” Peter grumbled.  And Wade squealed dramatically, planting a kiss on Peter's cheek for good measure.  

“ _Darling_?  How sweet of you, baby!”  Peter grinned, despite the grime and Wade’s blood and being bone-tired. 

“Tony?  We’ve got some people for SHIELD pickup.  Mind meeting us halfway and then taking us all to some sort of infirmary?  I know Wade heals fast, but he probably needs painkillers—”

“They don’t work on me,” Wade interrupted, “Stark, thanks for protecting my daughter.  She’s the world to me.”  Damn, Peter was still high on adrenaline.  He forgot that the healing factor tended to burn through painkillers, too.   _Or maybe you're just worried about him._

“Okay, well, I still think being out of this place and getting those cleaned will make the process less gruesome on your end,” Peter argued.  Wade could heal any wound, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t make it easier on him. 

“You’re welcome, Wilson.  She’s lucky to have you.”  Wade choked up a bit at that.  Even Peter was shocked, because of all people, Tony was not the one to complement fathering skills.  Wade looked so surprised.  Peter felt a pang of regret for when he'd been scared of Wade, when he hadn't seen how kind, how honest he was.   _I love him so much.  I will fight the world until they know what he really is like.  I want to show them all what he really means to me . . . huh._

That just might be doable.  

“Is there a fraternization rule in the Avengers?” Wade suddenly asked, “Forms I have to doodle on and turn in so that I can be with Peter and fight crime with him?”  Tony only snorted. 

“So, Cap spilled the beans?  Nah, no paperwork.  The only other couple—triad?—we have right now is the SHIELD trio, and we all know that if anyone had to fill out forms Agent would have been all over it.”

“Wade, what are you saying?” Peter asked.  Wade was still bleeding—Peter used a little webbing to close up the larger holes and protect them while they healed. 

“I’m saying—ooh, Nurse!Spider, is that a thing?  Can it be a thing?”

“ _Wade_.”

“It appears we’ll have two Avengers in our family,” he grinned, “Cap asked me about it before we left for the kidnapping originally.”  But that would mean . . .

“Really?!” Wade nodded.  They'd get to be  _Avengers_ together.  

“Now we just need to ask Ellie about her opinion of all of this.”  Peter was elated, if maybe a bit lightheaded.  It had been a _long_ day.  He laughed, pulling up both of their masks halfway and kissing him. 

“Come on.  Let’s head home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short, but we're running towards the end here. 26 will be mostly the end of the plot/happy ending, and 27 will mostly be an epilogue. Hope you all enjoyed thus far!


	26. Drink to Wade and Peter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fighting is over. Wade just needs to get the courage up to ask Peter one thing . . .

**_So drink to Tom of Bedlam_ **

**_Go fill the seas in barrels_ **

**_I'll drink it all, well brewed with gall_ **

**_And maudlin drunk I'll quarrel_ **

Avengers Tower was filled with, you guessed it, Avengers—they’d gathered a little party to celebrate Wade joining and the successful rescue.  Even Ellie was over, climbing Thor like a jungle gym to sit on his shoulder. 

It was fucking adorable.

Stark had broken out the scotch, and Romanoff had seemingly materialized vodka out of nowhere.

“To our newest, weirdest team member!” Barton offered. 

“I will wear that title like a badge of honor,” Wade vowed, “Because honestly, weird is awesome.”

Peter grinned at him, and Wade remembered. 

“Ellie, I have a couple of questions I need to ask—you see, I love you.  I love Peter.  And—now that I’m a sort of respectable guy, I—I think the three of us would make a great family, huh?  Emily could be your godmother.  Peter could be your dad, too, and—”

“ _Yes_ ,” she proclaimed fiercely, “I was _waiting_ for you to ask!”  Wade chuckled.  Who wouldn’t want Peter as a dad?

“Looks like one of us is dad, and one of us is papa?” offered Peter.  Ellie’s smile brightened. 

“You’re Papa,” she decided immediately, “Because Dad was already Dad.”  Ooh, Wade could hear the capitalization in that.  She was serious. 

_And you’re her dad.  And Peter’s her dad._ It left just one question, didn’t it?

* * *

May had packed _all_ the food into their fridge and pantry.  Really, it was like she didn’t know Stark had an unlimited food budget.  Their apartment in Queens was their main residence ( _their_ apartment!) but they had a floor at Stark Tower all the same.  Ellie moved schools after the kidnapping, and luckily, so did her friend Ryan.  She loved to ramble about their class pet and how they could use colorful markers that smelled like candy during art.  Peter had to clean up the rainbows of ink on her favorite shirt, but the art project was worth it—a “my family” sort of thing.

It had Wade and Peter hugging her, with May behind Peter and Emily, Shane, and Jeff Preston hugging Wade.  Domino was there too, as were MJ and Gwen. Maybe they could have a little housewarming party, come to think of it. 

“Do you want to invite the knitting club, MJ, and Gwen over?” he offered.  Peter’s eyes widened. 

“I didn’t tell MJ or Gwen about Ellie!”  Wade whistled.  _You’re gonna get it, boy.  Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the girls._

* * *

The girls kinda scared Wade to be honest, but he managed. 

“I’ve always been super protective of Ellie,” he butted in as they looked ready to strangle Peter for not telling them _hey I might be in danger because I’m going to rescue my soon to be daughter oops I also moved in with my boyfriend and adopted her._

Nora, May, and Becca were ecstatic, and when they each presented her with knit little gifts—a Deadpool beanie with a red pompom on top, a pair of red gloves, and a Spider-Bear—she looked ready to burst with pride. 

“Look, Papa!” she showed Peter the bear, and just like every time she called him Papa, he jolted a bit (ah, new dads). 

“It’s perfect, El,” he grinned, picking her up and twirling her as she giggled. 

“Let me take a picture of you guys,” MJ offered, grinning.

“Yeah, okay,” Peter smiled, and they squished Ellie between them as she held up her bear, the pompom on the hat bright against their plain apartment walls.  Peter grinned brilliantly for the camera, and Wade smiled too, hugging them close.  They were goddamn going to live happily ever after, weren’t they?  _I’m never letting go of this.  I get to keep this._

* * *

Peter had, after long deliberation, decided to out himself to the world. 

“You’re public,” he explained to Wade, “As are all of the Avengers.  I don’t think I get to keep this a secret when I’ve got a team—when I have you to take care of me.  I’ve always been afraid of people learning about me and using it against me.  But I know you and I could tear down anyone who tries.”

“You know we all support you either way,” Wade said, and Ellie nodded fiercely. 

“We’ll protect you too, Papa.”

“It’s my job to take care of you, Els,” he smiled, but Wade saw the tears in his eyes.  Oh, fuck, he was going to make him cry, too.

“How’re you doing this?”

“I was thinking I could kiss you in the suit, mask off, in front of Jameson’s new photographer and see what headline they come up with,” he grinned, “But Pepper would kill me.  So it’ll be press conference style whenever I decide.  What do you think?”

“I think it’s your moment and your decision.  You’ve been Spidey longer than we’ve been together—"

“True.”  Peter put on an episode of Doctor Who.  “Can you stay home with Ellie during the conference?  I figure the identity reveal can go that way, and then I can reveal our relationship and troll Jameson anyway.”

“I love you,” Wade said fondly at Peter’s impish grin. 

_He’s such a cute little troll.  God, Ellie’s gonna grow up one snarky lady with us two._

* * *

Ellie was munching on popcorn, and Wade was on the other end of the room, cleaning his katanas from the last mission.  It had been a gross mess of cicada-snot monsters, and there was so much nasty shit in his gear that he’d had to take things apart and clean them himself. 

Ellie yelped, “Dad, _look_!” pointing frantically at the TV. 

The news special report had interrupted whatever was on—Spider-Man was at a podium.  There were no Avengers behind him, but there were some SHIELD agents off to the side, and Pepper Potts was visible behind them to the left. 

_You go, Peter._   Spider-Man had always been super important to his boy, and to take off the mask was _huge_. 

Wade was so proud of him. 

“Hi everyone.  I’m sure you’re wondering why I brought you all here?” he chuckled nervously. 

“Okay.  No questions until I’m completely done with the planned speech.  I’m not Tony Stark; I will follow the cards I wrote.”  Scattered snorts and laughter.  Ellie stared wide-eyed, rapt with what Peter was saying. 

“Spider-Man has worked in New York for over four years now.  I admit, it feels like I’ve always been Spider-Man.  And, as you know, a lot has changed—I’m an Avenger now.  I’ve recently shared my identity with people I care about, and my family is nothing but supportive.  My boyfriend and our daughter are at home now because they know how much this means to me.  Please quiet down,” when reporters started rumbling about the boyfriend comment, Peter waved his hand. 

“I’m not here to talk about them—we’re going to have a long family discussion at home about what we can and can’t say about our private lives as public figures—I’m here because of my identity.  I’ve kept it a secret for a thousand reasons.  I’ve always, always wanted more than anything to protect the people I care about.  I still do—they will become targets for my enemies.  That’s a fact.  But now, more than ever, I feel like I’ll be able to protect them because I have my family and my friends at my side.  And I don’t want to lie to the city or the world anymore.”

Peter took a deep breath.  It seemed the entire conference hall was holding their breath, for how silent it was.  He took off his mask. 

“My name is Peter Parker.  I’ve been Spider-Man since I was sixteen.” 

* * *

The-Spidey Party? Superhero Coming Out Party?-party at Avenger’s Tower was excessive, to say the least.  Stark had gone all out, with everyone’s favorite foods, drinks, and a ton of Mario Kart. 

Black tie?  Hell no.  Wade appreciated the fact that Ellie could play with Barton’s nieces and nephews and Lang’s daughter while they did their thing.  _Now if he could just find his boyfriend—ah._   He was with Stark and Banner, talking shop about possible improvements to his suit.  _Come on, Wilson, you can do this._

“Peter,” he asked, and as his boyfriend turned around, he started rambling. 

“Spidey.  Arachna-kid. Peter-Piper.  _Daddy Long-Legs_ ,” he smirked, and Peter swatted at his arm. 

“Yes, Wade?”

“My wonderful arachnid boyfriend—I love you so much.  You helped me save my daughter.  You saved me.  I wouldn’t spend a moment more without you.  I know you secretly like the pet names, so how about a new one: fiancé?”

He kneeled, and the party went silent. 

The ring wasn’t super fancy, but it was no ring-pop either.  A few small rubies glittered from the white gold band—it was their color, after all. 

Peter’s hand had flown to his mouth in shock. 

“ _Yes._ ” 

_You’ve got a fiancé, now.  Check out that engagement ring.  You’re_ engaged.

_Better be prepared for the wedding ring and the suffer-ing.  Aw, am I the dad-joke one now?_

_This is going to end in disaster for all involved, I mean, you, a married man?  And not to the actual personification of death, but probably the personification of sunshine?_

_Wow, I can’t believe he said yes.  You’d think he’d have learned—_ but they were drowned out by cheering and toasting and by Peter kissing him. 

Damn, could you get drunk on happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah so much partying! And that is all for the main plot guys! I debated including an actual wedding, but, alas, this is not a Shakespeare comedy, and I have no desire to turn it into one.   
> Well duh Ellie's totally cool with having two dads, especially when they're Peter and Wade. As for the apartment thing - I feel like while the Avengers definitely live at Stark/Avengers Tower half the time, they definitely have to have places away from the team, too. Wade doesn't mind living in Queens - it's where Peter feels most at home.   
> As for Peter outing himself? Not only dramatic, but seriously, I almost wrote in a reveal specifically for trolling Jameson. He probably fainted watching this press conference, to be honest, much like the one in the actual comics.   
> All that's left is the epilogue and tiny bit of art I'm working on for the final chapter! Then I'm going to go back and clean things up a bit through the chapters (I say that but they'll probably not change much). I'm dragging my feet through the epilogue because I don't want it to end, but at least I can promise that this is the end of any plot - no wedding next chapter or anything. Just extra stuff. If you hate waiting a long time for an update, you could end the story right here and that's okay.   
> Either way, hope you enjoyed!


	27. Epilogue: Bonny Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years later, Ellie prepares to go out with some friends, and Wade and Peter are rushing to get ready. Meanwhile, we look at the memorabilia that covers their fridge.

**_For to see Mad Tom of Bedlam_ **

**_Ten thousand years I’ve traveled_ **

**_Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes_ **

**_For to save her shoes from gravel_ **

* * *

“I know, and this is when Aunt Domino and I called reinforcements to send them to the Shadow Realm—the unicorns were ready, and—”

Ellie rolled her eyes as she pulled the last curler from her head. 

“ _Dad_ ,” she groaned, “Stop it.  I’m fully aware of the fact that you were a mercenary when you started; no need to baby me.  I’m seventeen, and I didn’t even fall for that when I was six.”  She went to the bathroom to arrange her curls more perfectly. 

“No, you’re too smart for me,” Wade shrugged, “But I still love making up the stories.”

“I’m home!” Peter called.  “Didn’t start without me, did you?”

“Of course not,” Wade scoffed, “ _You’re_ the photographer, remember?  Besides, we’re doing this at Kaplan’s.”

“As if you didn’t plaster enough of my pictures on the fridge to prove it.”  The thing was coated in Ellie’s school art projects, news articles about them, and random photos of Peter’s. 

“And there’ll be a few more once we’re done today.  Ellie, you got your stuff ready?”

“I need a minute to do makeup, papa!  Not long, I promise.  Can you put my shoes by the front door?  I don’t want to ruin them in transit.”

“You’d better have brought a spare pair,” Peter warned.  Ellie didn’t mind going barefoot in odd places, and that hadn’t ended well at the art studio when she’d tracked paint down the school hall without noticing. 

She only giggled in reply, though.  Peter sighed. 

“She’s a mess sometimes.”

“She’s _our_ mess.  And she’s going to be late to her friend’s prom pictures party.”  Wade grinned, handing Peter his camera. 

“New batteries?  SIM card?”

“All set.” 

Ellie came out of the bathroom in a midnight blue dress that sparkled faintly.  Wade knew he was going to cry, he honestly did, but it hit him quick—

“My little baby’s all grown up and saving China,” he whimpered, and her lips quirked.  Mulan had always been her favorite movie.

“Come here,” she opened her arms wide.  Peter and Wade both rushed to hug her, squeezing her tight (but careful not wrinkle her dress).  Her face hurt from all the smiling. 

“Let’s go, huh?  I’m ready to dance.”

* * *

 Contents of the surface of their fridge included:

* * *

 A collage of every Daily Planet article about Spider-Man with varying Sharpie doodles of DC Comics superheroes over the pictures of Spidey.  The original photos were safe, but the newsprint (Peter never found out how Wade had managed to collect every article) was littered with random heroes over Peter’s usual getup.  His favorite was a still from when he’d revealed his identity—he’d been drawn over as Wonder Woman.

* * *

 Ellie’s varying art projects.  It started with her childhood My Family drawing, followed by a drawing of the solar system, three origami ninja stars, a scattered mess of middle school poetry, and one high school beginning drawing project: a split portrait of two different faces together in pencil.  She’d drawn Becca and Steve, with their permission, and had even shown it at the school art gallery for a few weeks. 

She still complained about how crooked Steve’s nose was any time someone asked her about it. 

* * *

 A few sticky notes—a reminder to wash the dishes, wishing Wade good luck on his next mission, a schedule for homework for Ellie.  Peter had rules about sticky notes after an eight-year-old Ellie had managed to reach one on the top half of the freezer to get a good look at the private note Wade had left for him.  This had turned into an impromptu “The Talk”. 

Peter had never quite been as red as his suit until then.

* * *

 Family photos covered the freezer door after the Meme Ban.  (It had actually been Clint’s fault when he’d crashed at their place to help chaperone a sleepover with his nieces, but the Ban was firmly in place.  No one was even allowed to mention it except to enforce it.) 

Regardless, they had family photos.  No formal ones, really—those were in frames or in boxes.  The first one was of them from their housewarming party, when Ellie had first gotten her Spider Bear and her Deadpool beanie.  The next was of Wade and Peter’s wedding, and then another when Ellie had brought her friends over for a sleepover (Peter was in excellent sparkly makeup and Wade had worn a lemur onsie the whole day.  Come to think of it, that was the last sleepover before the Meme Ban.).  A few pictures with the Avengers snuck in, but so did ones of Domino in a sweater May made and Weasel getting smacked by MJ for hitting on Gwen.  About a dozen of Ellie and her friends and a handful of Peter and Wade on dates or missions. 

There was one with Logan holding Ellie on his shoulders, smiling wider than Wade would claim to have ever seen. 

* * *

Scribbled doodles and notes on loose-leaf found their way towards the bottom of the fridge—they were notes from Yellow and White, sometimes replied to and sometimes not.  In one doodle, yellow was winking with a speech bubble talking about how things could still fall apart.  White agreed, assuring Wade or whoever was reading that life could still bash them down. 

Peter had thrown that one away after replying that they still had so much good to live with and for.

* * *

Finally, in a little magnetic frame, was this list:

_ Members of the Alliteration Association _

Wade Winston Wilson (Founder and President)

Peter Parker (The Cutest Spider Known to Mankind)

Jonah Jameson Jr. (Supreme Mugwump)

Matt Murdock

Bruce Banner

Pepper Potts

Becca Barnes

Bucky Barnes

Happy Hogan

Jessica Jones

Steven Strange

Loki Laufeyson

Barney Barton

Dum Dum Dugan

Reed Richards

Sue Storm

Curt Connors

Rocket Raccoon

Scott Summers

Dr. Otto Octavius (Banned)

Green Goblin (Banned)

~~Ryan Reynolds~~

* * *

**_Still I sing bonny boys, bonny mad boys,_ **

**_Bedlam boys are bonny_ **

**_For they all go bare and they live by the air_ **

**_And they want no drink nor money_**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is IT everybody! I'll be going back and editing somewhat from here on out, and I do have one artwork I'm finishing to add to this chapter, but the story is finished! Thank you so much for sticking with me through it all :D  
> Unless supreme inspiration spikes, there will not be a sequel - I think this story tells what it needs to alone. Thank you again for reading, your kudos, and your lovely comments.  
> Until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to drop a comment, even if it's an "I loved it" or "I hated it" but please, no flaming for the sake of flaming. I'm fine if you didn't like it but please heed tags and keep in mind this is something I just started but couldn't wait to share before it was finished.


End file.
